You know when you’re eating the pasta
That’s shaped liked a little wheat shell
And they stick on your tongue while you eat them
And you feel like the whole world is well?
Or how ‘bout when you’re dehydrated
And your pee is all yellow and bright
And the pee-water gets kinda cloudy
And you flush and it all feels alright?
I like that just-popped-a-zit feeling
And that “earwax is washed away” calm.
It’s just me? That may be, but I’m hoping
You find your own commonplace balm.
Filed under Poems
If you call out “Woe is me”
Be assured that you are right,
For only you can cause the grief
Of thinking through the night,
Of worrying from dawn to dusk
Of things you’ve yet to do.
But if you choose to not be woe
You’re wise among the few.
Filed under Poems
They’ve already invented a time machine.
I’m as sure of this as I’ve ever been.
The reason it isn’t a feature today
Is because all the time travelers went away
To a time when a house was only 10k
And your wife could stay home with a kid on the way,
When votes were counted, voices were heard,
There wasn’t a World War (let alone a third).
They traveled and traveled and stopped at a time
Where telling the truth wasn’t punished as crime.
I just hope when they stopped is an age that will last
And will be in our future instead of our past.
Filed under Poems
Do you recall what made you say
“There has to be another way”?
The moment when you burned yourself
Or windows fell and shattered?
Do you recall when you were scared
And learned that no one near you cared
And poured yourself some bottom-shelf
And figured out what mattered?
Remember when your throat was parched,
Your ankle turned, your body arched,
And when your dirty face cried out
The world put earbuds in?
If you recall, it’s time to be
A solo army, strong and free.
If you don’t, then have no doubt
These things will soon begin.
The world may not recall your name
Even if you win the game,
But when you count the victories
You get to choose your score.
So will you choose to recollect
A world of passive disconnect
Or will you solve the mysteries,
Wake up, and join the war?
Filed under Poems
He was born a maggot
And he grew into a fly
Until my cat got hold of him
And then he had to die.
We celebrate his passing
With a vigorous fist bump
For he reminded us our fat cat
Can manage still to jump.
Filed under Poems
Some like it hot.
Some like it cold.
Some start their poem with the same cliche two days in a row
Because hey, I’m tired and old.
Filed under Poems
There are two types of bathers
That I have come upon:
The type who take the bar of soap
And rub, rub, rub it on
And the type who see the bar of soap
And never, ever use it
‘Cause they know the other bather
And how often they abuse it.
Filed under Poems
“This movie is great, I promise”.
Those were the words I said.
Then I remembered that one scene
Where they shot the dude in the head
And the bit with the serial killer
And the… actually, never mind.
Maybe next time we’ll watch a movie
That you happen to find.
Filed under Poems
Instead of another reality show
Where half-naked people live in the wood
A show where people make huge pillow forts
Would do us a whole lot of good.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 