Tag Archives: Life

February 23, 2023 · 7:20 pm

Yet Another Tinder Success

She was skinnier than the toilet paper

They gave me in the slammer.

Her favorite flavor of potato chip

Was probably “Arm and Hammer.”

She weighs 90 pounds in flip-flops

And half as much without

And her hair was like the love child

Of silly string and sauerkraut.

When I picked her up at 7:00

I mistook her for her Pomeranian.

Turns out she was trilingual:

English, Klingon, and Albanian.

We went to see a movie:

“Alvin the Chipmunk meets Baby Shark.”

I’m not saying I’m desperate

But I think I felt a spark!

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February 22, 2023 · 7:58 pm

12 Vs. 22

“My tummy hurts.

My throat is sore.

I don’t want to go school no more.“

“My soul is charred.

My dreams are dead.

Take an aspirin and go to bed.”

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February 21, 2023 · 8:57 pm

I Used To Write These At 11:59. Now I Write Them At 8:56. I Must Be Getting Old

I played D&D tonight

And we had an epic fight.

Now this nerd must rest his head

Because it’s past his time for bed.

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February 20, 2023 · 5:54 pm

Released

Just time

No space

I wait

I pace

Feel stuck

Lack grace

Hands sweat

Hearts race

Then I hear

And I see

There is light

I am free!

Break the lock

Lose the key

I was that

Now I’m me.

Walking forward

Trying to run

Out of the tomb

Into the sun

Losing all my chains

Shedding my orange jumpsuit

Body free of all my pains

I am a vine grown from a root

What do I have left to do

Now that I am set free

Will I look for you

Or look for me

In the sunlight

Who will I be

Am I alright

Is this good

Who am I

I’m a bird

Can I fly

Hands sweat

Feet walk

Eyes wide

Tongues talk

Girls run

Boys chase

Same time

New space

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February 17, 2023 · 6:41 pm

Birth, Youth, Life, Dying, Hell

To buy a shiny dump truck toy;

The dream of every little boy.

A loud and topless red machine;

The dream of every male teen.

A pickup and a minivan;

A father, yes, but still a man.

A growling beaut older than he;

A man who can no longer see.

An environmentally friendly car;

Wait, f*** that s***! You’ve gone too far!

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February 5, 2023 · 5:53 pm

That Was Almost Disastrous!

I found world peace on Amazon

For $15.99.

It promised a world without conflict

Where everyone feels fine,

Without racism, bigotry,

Or hate of any type

And it had all five-star reviews

That said “It’s worth the hype!”

I put it in my shopping cart

And then, with horror, saw

They charged $10 bucks for shipping

So instead I bought martial law.

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February 3, 2023 · 9:28 am

Happy Birthday Becky!

Today’s my lady’s birthday

(And this time it’s not my mom).

She’s redheaded and pretty

And I think she is the bomb.

She kicks my butt at Mario Kart

And grabs my butt covertly

And when anybody speaks ill of her

I tell them off quite curtly.

She’s 25 years old today

And full of fun and grace

And I’m going to feed her lots of sugar

And kiss her adorable face

And then, dear reader, after dark

We’ll do our favorite things. An

Act of love and passion

By which I mean play Wingspan.

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January 26, 2023 · 6:30 pm

Driver’s Etiquette

If you think you need

To drive a faster speed

When your car’s ahead of mine

Then all is good and fine.

If you would go faster

When behind me, I’m your master.

Yes, that makes me a jerk

But oh boy does it work!

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January 9, 2023 · 8:40 pm

Back To Normal

I went on a trip for 5 days

And I’m grateful in so many ways

To be home once again

Where in peace I can pen

Five-line poems that fail to amaze

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January 7, 2023 · 11:04 pm

Talk About Stuck In A Lousy Job!

You think because you aren’t paid well

And work a lot of hours

Doing work you don’t enjoy

And your outlook on life sours

That means you have a lousy job?

Your misery sorely pales

To the job of being the fish they feed

To the SeaWorld killer whales.

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