My man bought a Tesla
Which would normally be fun
But it came with a purse
And his hair’s now a bun.
I told him I liked him
Because he was manly.
Now he’s leaving me
For his old roommate, Stanley.
Tag Archives: Life
Growing Up
It snowed! It snowed!
Hip-hippidy-hoodle!
It’s fluffy and white
And a plush poofy poodle.
They’ll close all the schools
And as a result
I’ll be even more disappointed
That I’m an adult.
Filed under Poems
Plus A Lot More 😁
I’m grateful for puppies
That eat the whipped cream
That we spray on their paws while they sleep,
I’m grateful for holidays
That involve candy
But nowhere to be seen is a Peep,
I’m grateful for readers
Who tolerate poems
That are four lines or less when I’m tired,
And I’m grateful for days
With a built-in theme
Because I can pretend I’m inspired.
Filed under Poems
Milk Was Just The Beginning (The Grilled Cheese Sandwich Saga)
People are always joking
About how it weirds them out
That someone grabbed a cow’s udder
And drank what came out.
But I’m wondering who
Ground some wheat with a stone
Mixed it with milk and bacteria
Then left it alone
Before heating it up
To 300 degrees
And then frying it up
With some butter and cheese…
Filed under Poems
The Non-Holiday Season
‘Twas the night before Monday
And all through the nation
There were people in need
Of another vacation.
They’d worked all their lives
Forty hours or more,
Fighting tooth and nail
For a new higher score.
The cost of the score
Was not steep if you count
Sanity and free time
As a meager amount,
And so they awoke
To commute and check out
And that, my dear kids,
Is what work’s all about.
Filed under Poems
Pokemon Release Day
Today I woke at 5:00 AM
To play a video game
Where I got to go to school
With a crocodile made of flame
And ride a living, dragon motorcycle
Far across the land,
Throwing balls at animals
So they’re at my command.
I took a day off work for this,
Ignored my social life,
Forgot to take a shower with
The girl who’ll be my wife.
All this is the triumph
Of a fully grown adult
Whose parents never let him buy
A pumpkin catapult.
Filed under Poems
Time And Suffering
Today we got to experience twice
The hour of 1:00 AM.
As hours go, it was very nice
And my sleep was remarkably REM.
Tomorrow I get to experience once
The hour of butt-crack-of-dawn
So I sign off this poem with the word “dunce”
And a working man’s 8:00 PM yawn.
Filed under Poems
Tomorrow I’ll Have Brain Cells To Use… Maybe
Today I drove a long, long way.
Tomorrow I got to the dentist.
That’s why this poem is short,
As if written by the poet’s apprentice.
Filed under Poems
What Your Teacher Is Really Thinking About
I remember when saying “Thank you Ma’am”
Was polite, not a micro-aggression.
I recall when when “Boys and girls”
Was how you called kids to attention.
I was there when, instead of a mask,
We taught kids to cover their cough.
Now I work and stay quiet ‘cause I can’t deny
It is nice to still get summers off.
Filed under Poems
Lazy Evening… Sue Me
Sitting by the fire
And my Seahawks won today.
Long day, short poem.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 