“Put on some sunscreen,” they said,
“Or else you’ll get all burnt and red.”
Now my flesh is peeling
And I have the feeling
That I have been grossly misled.
Tag Archives: Life
But Jell-O, Pasta, Potatoes, Tacos… All Fair Game
I think when you turn 40
You get a superpower
To make any food into a salad.
But when you’re 45
The option to use vegetables
Besides celery suddenly becomes invalid.
Filed under Poems
Songwriting Tip #5678
If your chorus is just one sentence
Repeated exactly four times
That song isn’t actually music
And one day you’ll pay for your crimes.
Filed under Poems
My Conversation Tomorrow After I Get To Work With Two Hours Of Sleep
D and D went long.
We were fighting evil frogs!
What do you mean, “Nerd”?
Filed under Poems
Who Needs A Kid When You Have…
Big fat ginger cat
Satan in a fluffy ball
He deserves more food
Filed under Poems
Love You Mom! (Even If You Raised A Poet)
Today we celebrate the gals
Who held us in their wombs
Instead of sending unborn us
To our not-born-yet dooms,
Who raised us as to be decent folk
(Regardless if it worked)
So clean and pure in making sure
Our chores were never shirked,
Who bought us socks for Christmas
And for the many that still do,
Who cleaned diapers and never
Did eschew beaucoup pee-yoo.
Thank you mothers everywhere
And hear us when we say
We’re grateful that at least one night
You probably weren’t gay.
Filed under Poems
Seriously, Apple? (Although I Get Why Microsoft Does It)
So when you buy a phone
You buy a screen protector thing
That keeps your glass from breaking
When you do a stupid thing.
Another stupid thing though
Is that if they have this tech
Why don’t they make the glass from it?
Come on now! What the heck?
Filed under Poems
Volume Also Increases In Proportion To Said Dumbness
The dumbness of a given thing
Is strongly correlated
With how late I am this morning
And how closely we’re related.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 