Your call is very important to us
So please enjoy this ditty
Until your soul gets old and grey.
Alas! It’s such a pity
That this call is very important to us
Yet all that you can do
Is stay on the line until nothing is fine
And the call’s not important to you.
Filed under Poems
I want to compare test answers
‘Cause I don’t think I passed…
The world is going to flood because
We’re using too much gas
So an African guy made a car
That uses electricity
And people are setting those cars on fire
Because of bad publicity?
But I thought the existential threat
Was a warming atmosphere?
Why are we taking violent action
So the air cannot stay clear?
And somehow its the billionaires
Who’re making us be poor
By reducing all our taxes
And keeping thieves out of their store?
Forgive me if I missed a point…
There’s just so much to learn!
What say we light another joint
And watch the city burn?
Filed under Poems
My mind is free of clutter
And my thoughts are all pristine.
My brain is not a’flutter
And neither is my spleen.
I haven’t an idea
Nor a pondering or musing
And anyone who makes me think
Is cruising for a bruising.
Filed under Poems
There is a bridge entangled
In the jungle of our life
That spans a tiny river
That’s no wider than a knife.
On one side of the river
Is the Friday Party deep
But with me on the other shore
It’s shallow and we sleep.
In every life there comes a day
When you’ll cross unto my bank
And when you do you won’t cross back
And you’ll have age to thank.
Filed under Poems
When you hear a baby crying
And you’ve grown into the age
When you cannot cry in public
It might trigger you to rage
Or declare your thoughts to others
As a well-read baby sage.
The baby, though, is wiser
For it knows the cause of tears:
Every pain is fresh and novel
For its endless early years
And it hasn’t lived to learn yet
To explain away its fears.
When an older person weeps
Knowing well you’ll criticize
Why not pause to beg the question
That’s behind their flowing eyes?
Is it too a swift discomfort
Or perhaps a cruel disguise?
Or perhaps you’re seeing someone
Who, for years, has worn their masks
While they smiled sans seratonin
And pursued their daily tasks.
They have answers for the weeping
But they cry since no one asks.
There once was a bed with a pillow
Then a wife did enter the room
And thus my one-pillow system
Began to sense its doom.
First came two big long pillows
That stretched across the bed
And did everything a pillow should
Except help rest your head.
Then came two fluffy square ones
That aren’t the same color or size
Because apparently symmetry
Is not good for a female’s eyes.
Then came that little round novelty
With a pic of my mother-in-law
And now I don’t sleep with a pillow at all,
Put my head on mattress all raw.
Filed under Poems
A poet once went on a break
Which turned out to be a mistake
‘Cause he hurried to finish
His limerick, diminish
Ing his perfect lyrical break.
Filed under Poems
Irritating, aggravating,
Enervating, asinine,
Childish, boorish, makes-me-snore-ish,
Meaningless but mostly fine,
Stupid, senseless, mauve, relentless,
Bleaker than “Old Yeller”,
And somehow amidst these reviews
A New York Times Bestseller…
Filed under Poems
You look so comfy on the couch
Quietly reading your book.
Why don’t we turn on the TV
And then leave you alone in your nook
And if you attempt to turn off the show
We’re not watching, we’ll come back and say
“Turn that back on”, then proceed to tell you
All the bad stuff we thought of today.
Filed under Poems
Hot tub in the snow
Warm and cozy, loving life
Whatcha mean, “Get out”?
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 