I got sick and went to bed at 8:00.
I forgot about writing poetry
But luckily ’twas not too late.
This is rushed and uncreative
But what did you expect
From a guy who feels like vomiting
In the way of ile, project?
Tag Archives: Poetry
Today Poetry Turned Out To Be a Useful Life Skill! (Kind Of)
Backstory: I’ve been in touch with a graphic designer. It’s taken a few weeks for her to send me designs, and her emails hadn’t shown up in my inbox. When asked my opinion of the work I whipped out my poetic prowess and replied…
In neither spam nor inbox
Did the message you sent go.
Where it came from I am certain.
Where it went to, I don’t know.
The message’s presence may bring joy.
It’s absence truly doesn’t,
So if sending seemed like a success
I assure you that it wasn’t.
Now isn’t that more fun than “please send it again?”
Filed under Poems
Covfefe: Another Possible Story
I remember my dog
That I had as a lad.
We’d go to the water
And I’d swim with him.
I named him Covallion
Cause I thought it sounded hot.
Turns out he was a girl
So he/she became FeFe.
Cov/Fefe and I
Would eat cake by the lake.
Probably wasn’t healthy for her
But she’d still eat. It was neat!
Then Cov/Fefe died.
How she ate… It was fate.
This poem’s depressing,
But so’s the meme, it would seem.
Filed under Poems
Passions and Priorities
What longings, cravings
Of the heart
Cannot be satisfied
By walking, strolling
‘Neath Springtime’s sun
With both eyes open wide?
What joys, what pleasures
Known to man
Cannot be thus attained?
For sunshine, brightness
Universally
Make life’s sweetness sustained.
The nymph’s, the angel’s
Coats are shed,
Replaced by skirts and skin.
Such heat, desire
In humid air
Invite the males in.
And men, Adonis
In their minds
Accept the season’s gifts.
Like thermals, doves
Nature collides.
Winter’s tyranny so lifts.
Neath cloudless, flawless
April skies
The hedonist may bloom.
But dark, but stuffy
Basement youth
Focus on playing “Doom.”
And wonders, magic,
Even heaven
Dance about for humankind,
But fragging! Headshots!
Despite marvels missed
We introverts don’t mind.
Filed under Poems
Four Stanzas, One Punchline, Infinite Regrets (The Chicken Poems Return)
For every chicken sandwich
You eat throughout your life
A hen loses her husband
Or a rooster’s sans his wife.
Are you emotionally mature enough
As down the hatch she goes
To tell the rooster where’s his wife
And that he doesn’t have any toes?
Are you prepared to face the widow
As on her man you chew,
To look her in her beady eyes
And say “no cock for you!”
For every chicken sandwich
A family is dead.
Tune in for tomorrow’s poem
About the horrors of eating bread!
Filed under Poems
Weirdness Is Genetic
This one takes sone explanation.
‘Twas late and I lacked imagination
So I asked “what to write? The words just won’t come!
My parents said “Karma or Fritos.”
Now you know where I get it from.
Filed under Poems
It Sounded Better In My Head
Here eyes were like flowers
In April’s sweet bloom,
Like a tropical bird
Viewed through 8x digital zoom,
Like tiny galaxies
Filled by the purest of bliss.
This was a chance
Which I just couldn’t miss.
And so I approached her,
Her eyes locked with mine.
I said “Hi! I’m David.”
She said “I’m Caroline.”
I said “your eyes are wondrous.
“They belong in a museum!”
My court date’s this Friday
If you want to come see ’em.
Filed under Poems
Nature Is A Dick (Plus An Optimistic Death Message?)
I asked a skunk
“Are you a skunk?”
It didn’t answer me.
I asked a duck
To try my luck
But answer not did he.
I asked a bear
“Are you a bear?”
And at least I got an answer.
Sure, it killed me
In eight seconds.
On the bright side, hey! No cancer!
Filed under Poems
To All The “Alt-Moms” Out There
Little birds fly
And small children don’t.
Dogs obey loving masters
But small children won’t.
Whales jump on command
Through rings made of fire
But children would never
Do something so dire.
Small children are builders,
But so is an ant.
A fly can do everything
Small children can’t.
Pediatricians are pricey.
What’s cheaper are vets.
That’s why I shun children
In favor of pets.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 