Glorious, glorious, glorious mom!
You are the shizzow! You are da bomb!
Your presence brings comfort, just like forty winks.
Dad says “no pet dolphin’, but what does you thinks?
Tag Archives: Poetry
When You Have The Heart Of A Lion But She Has The Sensibilities Of A Homo Sapien
We met online at 12:00 AM
And bonded over cats.
We bared our souls with smileys
And confirmed the predictions of anonymous stats.
We texted back and forth a bit
Before we met in real life.
You thought I was kinda cute.
I knew you’d be my wife.
But as the days and weeks went by
Our love was less smooth than I was hopin’.
You kept some of the gifts I sent you
But the boxes of dead rodents, you didn’t open!
So now I’m naked, watching Louie
On Amazon TV
Regretting how your heart did not
Know how much that cat-bonding meant to me.
Filed under Poems
Somewhere, Just Beneath The Surface, Is Depth
Nothing says “hypocrite”
Like a guy saying “hypocrite.”
Nothing says “hippo crit”
Like large, lucky mammals.
Nothing says “pachyderm”
Like an yderm salesman’s boss,
And I suppose also
Some verbose plucky camels.
Filed under Poems
What I See After The Vegetarian Buffet
Lucid wall of rusty bricks…
Placid bolt of melted meat…
Suit all made of candle wicks…
What the heck did I just eat?
Filed under Poems
Just An Older, Superterranean Type Of Lady
It seems every woman I meet
Is a gold digger of sorts,
Or else too young to engage
As romantically-inclined cohorts.
I’m not the sort of man who’s oft
Accused or called a whiner
But for once I want to meet a gal
Who’s not a miner or a minor.
Filed under Poems
Reel Me In Baby
When I’m with you
The sun shines brighter,
The water’s warmer,
My body’s lighter.
When I’m with you
I am flavorful, raw.
I just wish you’d get rid of
This hook in my jaw!
Filed under Poems
Mirror Mirror, Confidant
Mirror mirror
On the wall,
Inanimate object
Which is humanly tall,
Always honest,
Occasionally kind.
Some make it their lives.
Some pay it no mind.
Mirror mirror
(The rearview one),
You’re much more useful
Than my son.
You save my life
Most every day
Which is more than for
That little jerk I can say…
Mirror mirror
Speckled with spit
Above the sink
Next to where I shit.
You are a helpful
Reflective fellow
And thanks to you
My teeth are lighter yellow.
Mirror mirror
That I clutch,
I don’t think my Dad
Likes me very much.
It started when
I pushed him out of the boat
When we were touring the castle
With the shark infested moat.
Mirror mirror
Above the bed,
You don’t judge me
For missing half my head.
For now I sleep
But tomorrow’ll be fun.
I’m going make-up skydiving
With my son.
Mirror mirror,
Reflective lake
My fall you are
Destined to break.
The chute did nothing
When I pulled the pin.
Hey, what’s that gray
Triangular fin?
Filed under Poems
Youthful Needs
My heart afire
In dead of night
I seek out comfort
In my phone’s backlight.
I read and comment,
Like and share,
Yet, despite the burning heart thing,
I just don’t care.
Like silver in a rainbow,
Like water in the sun
I seek in vain for some intelligence
But find “25 people you wouldn’t believe used to be a nun.”
Then I look out the window
On the acres of green,
The infinite paradise
Of Earth so serene.
The rabbits are dancing,
The deer leap and bound,
The flowers are fragrant,
The air sweet with sound.
My heart’s more aflame now
Than ever it was.
Then deep in my pocket
I feel my phone buzz.
Filed under Poems
For My Mom, Based On Recent Events
Like the velour blanket
Upon my lap
A day with you is made good
Even if it were otherwise crap.
You’ll surely be in the number of
The saints that go marching in.
I’ll love you forever, even if at Catan
You always seems to win.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 