Today is my birthday.
I’m seven days old.
From now on when they tell me
“Park the DeLorean”
I’ll do what I’m told.
Tag Archives: Poetry
Honestly This Is The Best Joke I Can Come Up With Tonight… So In That Sense The Poem Is Honest
I lied to you this evening
When I said that I was fine.
Truth is I feel rusty
Like I used WD-39.
Filed under Poems
The Sexiest Acronym
There’s this fellow they call Y.I.
Everyone wants to F him, but why?
Filed under Poems
Pilots vs. Hairdressers
Air show! Air show!
Lots of planes,
Tons of balls,
Questionable brains.
Hair show! Hair show!
Fewer planes,
Fewer balls,
The brain thing’s the same.
Filed under Poems
The Pane Of Homophones
Sum folks dont knead it.
Other folks dew.
Eye’m speaking of coarse
Of voice two text apps. Dew ewe?
Filed under Poems
99% Complete
70,020 updates
In a minute all are done,
So why’s it take an hour
For number 70,021?
My First Acrostic
I is for my mother.
C is for my dad.
A is for my feelings.
N is for an impaler, namely Vlad.
T is for seismology.
S is for uninspired.
PEL is for impatience.
L is for “Am I Fired?”
Filed under Poems
What Else Did I Get This PhD For?
What would you do
For a million dollars?
Some would sell their souls
Or become sales-callers.
Some would kill, some would cheat,
Some would steal, some would rage,
But I’ll just work 80 years
Earning minimum wage.
Filed under Poems
The Poem That Convinced 300 Million Americans Not To Eat Giraffes On A Regular Basis
I live, I laugh,
I breathe, I smile.
I’m a giraffe
And my name is Kyle.
You wouldn’t kill me
For my meat.
So thanks for that.
You’re real neat.
Filed under Poems
Important Decisions
I put as much thought
Into this rhyming verse
As Count Dracula put into
Choosing the model of his hearse.
Filed under Poems
