Deep below, the hipster slugs
Are killing worms and taking drugs
And handing out free slimy hugs
And chanting “Slug Lives Matter.”
High above, against the odds,
Someone applauds the gastropods
And, thinking they are modern gods,
Eat escargot and grow fatter.
Filed under Poems
She showed a sign and shouted
And got up in our faces
Telling us about how white folks
Are the worst of all the races.
The way her spittle spattered
Was a most impressive sight,
My first and last impression
Of a peaceful Portland night.
Filed under Poems
There once was a Peruvian prince
Who wore a gold pair of nez pince.
He said “I have seen
“Info about Jeff Epstein,”
And no one has heard from him since…
Filed under Poems
I don’t get why some folks don’t like me.
I do all the things that they say
Like supporting the wenches and slant-eyes and injuns
And even my cousin who’s gay.
I don’t get why people think I am offensive
When all thems is stupid and fat.
I guess they must envy my skills in the kitchen…
Those Jews don’t know how to cook rat!
Filed under Poems
Geppetto saw the puppet
Come alive one fateful night.
He hardly could contain his pure
Excitement and delight.
He asked, “What is your power?”
To which the toy replied,
“My nose grows when I’m truthful
“And I’ve never, ever lied.”
Geppetto took the puppet
On a tour of the land
And the puppet said, “You’re beautiful”
To all the coarse and bland.
“A gift to puppetmakers
“Will increase your Earthly wealth.”
And so, in awe, they watched the nose
And drank unto his health.
And as the ugly stayed the same,
The poor stayed destitute,
The puppet stayed beloved,
For his word was absolute.
This lesson serves to illustrate
Wherefore in every hour
We ought not correlate the truth
With presence of a power.
Filed under Poems
Here’s to George,
The man who died,
And in so doing
Showed it’s safe outside
To gather en masse
Without pandemic fears.
May he be remembered
When the next “plague” appears!
Filed under Poems
They see me Biden,
Debatin’
And rolling their eyes ’cause I’m so far past thirty!
‘Cause I’m just too far past thirty,
‘Cause I’m just too far past thirty,
‘Cause I’m just too far past thirty,
‘Cause I’m just too far past thirty,
I said they ain’t black
Like I’m not
Perhaps ’cause my mind is somewhat less than sturdy!
‘Cause my mind is leas than sturdy,
‘Cause my mind is leas than sturdy,
My mind is less than sturdy…
‘Cause my mind is leas than sturdy!
Sniffin’ the babies just for fun
While I say you don’t need no gun,
Tellin’ how our country’s run,
Then runnin’ my mouth when it’s said and done.
Tara Reade told some news site
What I did back then was not alright,
But poor kids are just as good as the white.
Good thing Bernie backed away from the fight.
Don’t worry if I’ve got some dementia
‘Cause I’ll designate yo job as essentia’.
Sure my kid’s salary’s preferentia’,
But CNN’s sure to bury the stench, duh.
I love having kids sitting on my lap,
I’ll do Zoom campaigns after my next nap,
You’ll vote for me despite this crap.
By the way, what the heck’s an app?
Filed under Poems
One world leader said
“Grab ’em by the pussy,”
But got elected anyway.
One would-be leader
Said “Don’t grab ’em by the pussy”
Before he did, so I guess he’s okay?
Filed under Poems
There’s no place for intolerance
Among people I know.
If you’re someone intolerant
Then you had better go.
Intolerance is evil
And if you disagree
Then you should be ashamed
And also learn to think like me!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 