I wear a pair of rubber gloves
When I do the dishes.
I wear a napkin on my lap
When I’m eating fishes.
I wear a suit with leather shoes
When I’m feeling dapper,
So why can’t I dress like a clown
When I’m on the crapper?
Tag Archives: Postaday
Real Life With Travis T.
I watched a football game today,
Played a concert with my friends,
And changed the oil in my truck,
And with that this poem ends.
Filed under Poems
My Costume Is Apathy
I feel obliged to be spooky
But I’m not feeling it.
I have un-made-up skin
And don’t feel like peeling it.
I’m uncostumed by choice,
Though I looked on Pinterest
Through costume ideas
That held no interest.
There are monsters and witches
And women in lingerie
With animal ears.
What a menagerie!
And I’m challenging passerby
With my sleepy stare
To guess who I am,
Even though I don’t care.
People set bonfires
And dance ’round my home,
And I’m sleeping and hoping
They don’t steal my gnome.
Maybe I’ll get wild
And be less of a lump
With a low budget movie
That will make me jump.
And then come the children
In a sweet-craving mob.
There are 600 Elsa’s
And one I think is The Blob.
There’s Spiderman, Ironman,
And a beast with six legs,
And some orange jumpsuited kids
Delivering eggs.
And then its all over
And the kids go away.
The fast-food workers party
And I guess pagans pray.
I’ve done my part
To keep dentists employed.
Despite myself, this day
I somewhat enjoyed.
Filed under Poems
Oatmeal
Instant food is great
Most bachelors would agree,
But that just seems a little too
American to me.
Now, I get that potatoes
Take a lot of time to cook.
Sometimes home cooked macaroni
Doesn’t have that chemical look.
Maybe you’re to tired
To take a cup of oats
And throw in some sugar and xanthan gum
And whatever else that floats.
So you buy a bag of chemicals
With natural oat flavor
And nuke it for 60 seconds
And for another 60, you savor.
To top it off, this overpriced
Tax on those who cannot cook
Has an old, white guy or store brand
To complete its flashy look.
Thus ends my rant on oatmeal
And the injustice derived therefrom.
Tomorrow, tune in again
For my rant on chewing gum!
Filed under Poems
You Can Be Too, With Just Two Easy Payments…
Badass is a state of mind.
Take a photographer
Who takes pictures of weddings
For Mrs. And Mr.
He’s not traditionally cool,
But in his head
He’s a ninja in disguise
Taking photos of the wed.
Or take the guy at the Chevron
Who pumps your tank of gas.
He knows if you get mouthy
He’ll “swipe anywhere” on your ass.
Take a look around you
At the wallpaper, lights, and your shoes.
These could all be badasses
If they had the desire to choose.
Filed under Poems
Bat Teen
Great adventures await
Those with powers great.
I’m great too,
But woop-de-doo,
I’d rather sleep in late.
Filed under Poems
Crooks and Homophones
We were robbing a grocer.
I said “buy me some time.”
He went to the spices,
Then the express checkout line.
We landed in prison.
Our plans came unfurled.
Now all we’ve got left
Is all the thyme in the world.
Filed under Poems
Life On A Farm
My brother-in-law
Thinks poultry are sultry.
My other bro’s honey’s a bee.
I’m the traditional guy in the family:
Nothing but cousins for me!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 