A Ferrari costs 301,000 dollars.
A fleece blanket costs $4.99.
So would you trade 400 horsepower
For blissful fuzz ’til the year 62339?
Tag Archives: Short
Spa Ha Ha
I asked how much it costs
To get one’s pubic region waxed.
They said “A Brazilian dollars,”
At which point I relaxed.
Filed under Poems
Jurass-is-Grass
The Tyrannosaurus Rex
Was stalking the jungle
And feeling incredibly violent
When, soundless and yellow,
Urine hit the fellow
For the Pterodactyl’s pee is silent.
Filed under Poems
Discover Why Mexicans Use Visa*
“Black guys play the black card.”
That’s how white people said it
Before they made the Master Card
And gave themselves the credit.
*This poem contains no mention of American Express because I couldn’t think of a good “Underground Railroad” joke, and also no one uses American Express.
Filed under Poems
When She Says “Don’t Kill The Spider… Just Take It Outside”
After the date, I told her
“I want to see you
“As often as I see
“Google search, page 2”
Words Hurt
I wonder if the guidance counselor
At Hitler’s Alma Mater
Told him to “Just be yourself”
And then regretted it later.
Filed under Poems
Why Mufasa Has A Handkerchief
Simba’s nose was stuffy,
And that became an issue
When the only Kleenex he could find
Was, alas, Scar tissue.
Filed under Poems
Disclaimer: This Poem Is False… My Wife Takes A Half Marathon
My wife stole 5,280 feet
On our honeymoon cruise down the Nile.
But that’s really ok,
‘Cause you know what they say:
Give her an inch and she’ll take a mile.
Filed under Poems
Why Philosophers Don’t Flirt (Cogito Ergo Sumthin’)
I saw Descartes sitting at the bar.
I asked “Can I buy you a beer?”
Descartes replied “I think not,”
Then I watched him disappear.
Filed under Poems
How To Choose A Favorite Sports Team
If their best player’s white
You’re not doing it right.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 