All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Couldn’t put Humpty together again
But Humpty was happy that all was resolved
Without the Minnesota Vikings involved.
Tag Archives: Short
Ah Yes… You Charge Us More To Remind Us To Pay You To Help Them Steal From Us
At 11:59 on December 31st
A ball fell in NYC.
It was at that moment Turbotax
Said “It’s time to remind you of me!”
Filed under Poems
Crossfit
There once was a marketing guy
Who was looking for what you should buy.
There was a gym with some rope
And he said “It’d be dope
“If we whip those around. Don’t ask why.”
Filed under Poems
Last Season’s Alcohol: Corona… This Season’s Alcohol: Fireball
To all of you who laughed at me
When I said “Dragons are real”
I present you: California.
Now how do you feel?
Filed under Poems
I’m Doing My Part
With the recent rise of terrorism
And assassination attempts, please
Remember it was Robert Selander (Mastercard CEO)
Who invented “Convenience Fees”.
Filed under Poems
Honest Resolutions
This year was wild and crazy
And I was indulgent and lazy.
This year I’ll endeavor
To sleep more than ever
And get rich like Martin Scorsese.
Filed under Poems
We’ll Start Next Year
Two days left to go
Of this wild and crazy year…
Peaceful at the gym
Filed under Poems
That’s Why They Have You Beet…
There once were some people with torches
Who sat upon their front porches
And cried “People with pitchforks
“Are evil and rich dorks”
While the real evil people ate bortsch.
Filed under Poems
My Reincarnation Of Choice
One person’s trash is another man’s treasure
Which is why every single raccoon
Is living the life with their hot raccoon wife
As a billionaire garbage tycoon.
Filed under Poems
Unlock Next Year’s Poem For $99.99/Month (50% Off)?
I had a lovely afternoon
About which you’ll never hear
Because I’m saving the clever poems
For probably sometime next year.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 