If you never wear black clothes
And walk through parking lots at night
While making deep eye contact
With your cell phone, you just might
Never get to call your lawyer
And get ten-mil in compensation
For no reason other than
Having your legs lose all sensation.
Filed under Poems
I awoke with crack and a groan
In a house where I live on my own.
I ate soup from a can
‘Cause I’m an old man
And I still use a rotary phone.
Filed under Poems
The homework problem said:
“What is the natural log of 4?”
I said “I was raised a middle-class kid, and I’m the only person on the debate stage tonight who has a plan to lift up the middle class and working people of America.”
Apparently, I got a perfect score.
Filed under Poems
Oh muse, you flighty angel
Who fills my mind with light,
Why can’t you come when I’m working
And not the middle of the night,
For when I lay my head upon
My pillow, soft and dark,
I do not want to think about
Who would win: A truck or a shark.
Filed under Poems
Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall.
Ninety-nine bottles of beer…
The weather is dicey
But plywood is pricey
Thus ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall!
Filed under Poems
We’ve talked about Chinese food
Being cats for many a year
And I have to ask if Haitians
Are missing a franchise opportunity here…
Filed under Poems
Somehow we went from running
To avoid becoming a meal
To paying $50 to run
To express the way we feel.
Filed under Poems
If you’re ever feeling lonely
Go to the store and buy a melon
Then drive to your local prison
And give your purchase to a felon.
Criminals love melons…
Seedy fruit for seedy guys.
Also, you’re no longer lonely
And, perhaps, you may be wise.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 