The Seahawks win!
The Mariners too!
In Washington they shout “woohoo!”
The Jaguars lost.
The Blue Jays fell.
They have no fans, so all is well.
Tag Archives: Sports
No Kings? No Thanks
There once was a man in a political seat
Whose rhetoric inspired much political heat.
Because of this protestors did amass across the nation
In a movement called “NoKings” which is a hot recent sensation.
Alas, the hockey players in Los Angeles are sad
And the Sacremento basketballers also feel mad.
I for one support our Californian athlete friends
And wish the players happiness until this protest ends.
Filed under Poems
Care To Wager How Long It Lasts?
So I was complaining (as most people do)
About things that I cannot halt
Like children addicted to iPads and also
Society as a gestalt
So I turned on a game at 10 in the morning
That finished at 10 in the night
And proceeded to burn my complaining permit
And accept that the world is all right.
Filed under Poems
Postmodern Sports
People pay for paper
To play games of skill and chance
Where whoever bought the biggest bad
Will do the victory dance.
Boys will bash their brains in
To gain a yard or two
To prove their color’s mascot
Can score more points than you.
Folks will flee their families
To clock another hour
In hopes they’ll earn an office
That will make their colleagues cower.
I could go on forever
Making metaphors like these
But instead I’ll pose a “Let’s suppose”
To replace pastimes like these.
When you look past the colors
And the titles and the flags
It’s really just a contest
Of the biggest moneybags
So why not have a contest
Where we burn a stack of cash
And the champion of the world is he
With the longest-burning ash?
This money-burning contest
Will be framed as needing skill
And is an excellent opportunity
To sell a snack/drink/pill.
Heck, make a legal system
Where your life goes up in flame
And share it on a TV show
To keep building the game!
Then fans of sports and politics
And work and sex and war
Can celebrate the waste of time
While laughing at the poor.
Filed under Poems
Canadian Shower Thoughts
I think hockey is entertaining,
But what sport wouldn’t be great
If you just changed the rules so players
All had to wear ice skates?
Baseball would be more exciting!
Football would be even more cool!
Soccer would be… well, still boring
But there’s exceptions to every rule.
In fact, if we looked beyond athletes
And made everyone skate every day
We’d probably be happy and peaceful.
(At least it worked out for Norway)
Filed under Poems
You See Four Old Ladies Hogging The Tennis Court, But I See…
Four towers in the corners
Of eight-hundred and eighty square feet
Separated by a net
And a ray of Summer’s heat.
One let fly a bullet
And their counterpart stepped back,
Eyed the bouncing projectile,
Then gave a hearty thwack.
And so the ball of fire
Soared between the warriors four
Until finally to out of bounds
Their common goal did soar.
“A point for us!” The victors cried
As fell the reaper’s sickle
Upon the party who had lost
The game of ball and pickle…
Filed under Poems
Mrs. Doubtfire, Or Your Girl’s High School Sports Team?
There once was a comedy movie
About a guy who loved kids, and for proof he
Dressed up like a girl
And changed some kid’s world
And everyone said that it’s groovy.
Filed under Poems
Now THIS Is Entertainment
Instead of the Olympics
What if we just had a day
Where everyone from every sport
Would simultaneously play
And the discusses and javelins
And basketballs and gymnasts
Would fly around the hockey rink
For both speed and long distance.
They should have a draft like those
We had in middle school
And we’d finally find out whose
Sport is the most least cool.
The only thing to ruin
This remarkable event
And make the people who showed up
Regret the cash they spent
Is if the Olympic commissioners
(Or whatever they call those fools)
Has the audacity to tell us
That this game will have “rules”.
Filed under Poems
The NBA Breathes A Sigh Of Relief…
One upside of trans acceptance
Is that in ten years women’s sports
Will probably make a profit
Now that men are on the courts.
Filed under Poems
For When You Like Basketball But You Like Watching White People Play It For Some Reason
March is the month where on TV
Are a bunch of teenage guys
Who compete to hold onto their balls
With other men of unusual size.
The best at making balls go swish
Will win. Others suffer sadness,
And that is why they call this event
By the appropriate name, March Madness.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 