We drove home today
People need to learn to drive
Terrible traffic
Tag Archives: Traffic
Guest Poem From My Wife As She Sits On The Couch Playing Pokemon, Expecting Me To Rub Her Feet
Filed under Poems
An Armed Society
I think traffic would be a lot better
If every drove tanks.
Sure, we’d get everywhere slower
But you bet we’d say “‘scuse me” and “thanks”.
Filed under Poems
She’s Lived 90 Years Already, And The Guard Rail Needs to Be Tested Now And Again
I am stuck behind a car
Who doesn’t know quite where they are
And so decide to navigate
By traveling at 28.
I am stuck behind this guy
And starting to examine why
They made a law to punish those
Who ram the guys who hog the roads.
Filed under Poems
Evening Meditation
As the light fades to yellow
And to bright orangey-red
I summon my thoughts
About life to my head.
As red turns to green
Like autumn reversed
I think of life’s moments,
The best and the worst.
As green turns to amber
The cycle repeats
And I cherish life’s beauty,
The adventures and treats.
Then the light’s green again
And in my pensive mood
I ask “what’s with the honking
“And why are drivers so rude?”
Filed under Poems
Impression: Los Angeles
I stood out here once before
Seeking what could not be found
Head to toe in the neon cloak of midnight
Listening for the absence of a sound.
I saw humans crawl past empty sidewalks
Burning gas and paying fares
On the way to work that will empower them
To buy their surplus worries and cares.
They seek comfort in a glasses, pills, and needles,
Pray for hope through a politician’s lies.
Paychecks promise them the satisfaction
Of being happy in someone else’s eyes.
Red-eye pilots flee this urban heaven
Carrying those with sense enough to flee.
I just read my scripts and idly wonder
What it’s like to see a real tree.
Filed under Poems
Thank You! I’ll Be Here All Night
I’ve got another story
That I thought I’d share with you
And unlike most of my others
This one is completely true.
I’m stuck in traffic, driving
Down through Portland, OR.
At one time people thought “let’s go”
But apparently not anymore.
We’re driving behind a Tesla
With a vanity plate
That reads “UNSTPBL.”
Its driver I do hate.
I know most folks are decent
But my opinion’s going askew
Thanks to Mr. 100K a year
Who has 15 IQ.
I could probably go on longer,
And (we’ll see) perhaps I might.
I’ve got 400 miles ’til I get home
And that’s a lot of night.
I’m glad I don’t live in LA,
New York, or Portland too,
But if you’ve got a book I can sign
Come to I-5 exit 242.
Filed under Poems
An Only-Somewhat-Exaggerated Tale Of Today (Dedicated To Seth)
Today I drove a thousand miles
From WA to San Jose,
With a bunch of flaming morons
Tailgating me the whole way,
Weaving through the traffic
Like quilters yearning for death
All behind a mini cooper
Going 20 (License Plate: IMSETH).
As I recline, safe somehow,
On my Californian bed
A realization formed inside
My woeful weary head.
I-5 South, the freeway
A thousand miles through crazyville
Should better be renamed
The route of all evil.
Filed under Poems
Nice Weather For Post-Commute Shenanigans
The air was warm and friendly,
The sun a gentle golden light,
And the dirt was easily shoveled
Upon the corpse of the guy who passed me on the right.
Filed under Poems
Dear Fellow Drivers, Stanzas 1-3 of 666
I love you
Like I love early mornings,
Like the smell of microwaveable cuisine,
Like a secondhand q-tip,
Like stainable steel,
Like the dry-mouth aftertaste of human spleen.
I love you
Like Jew’s love the early 40’s,
Like nudists love Alaskan Winter nights.
I love you like a river
Loves the absence of nearby bathrooms,
Like Congress loves supporting individual rights.
I love you
Like Chris Brown loves Rihanna,
Like hot girls like short, polite, low-income men.
I love you
Like babies like international flights,
Like when your cellmate winks and says “hey babe, I’m Ben.”
Filed under Poems
Is My Exasperation Towards Gradual Movement An Indicator Of Privilege?
I gaze in awe at the millions
Who march to show their views.
I am there in person,
Not merely watching the news.
The signs are wise and witty
And camaraderie is merry
But I’m getting sick of idling
As I drive to the library…
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 