When I was born the doctor said
“Your son may never speak.
“His tongue is all misshapen,
“His entire body weak.
My parents only smiled and laughed
As they rode home on the bus
Saying “At least that doctor
“Wasn’t talking to us!”
Tag Archives: Travesty
Female Sexuality And Privilege In The Fruit-Curing Industry
If I were to pick a peck of pickled peppers
Peter Piper’d have a bone to pick with me?
But if I gave Ol’ Pete a peck
He’d want to bone, ’cause “what the heck”
And I needn’t pay the Piper… He’d pay me!
Filed under Poems
Well, The Years Start Coming And They Don’t Stop Coming! Fed To The Rules And I Hit The Ground Runnin’! (If you don’t get this joke, you’re one of the first two)
When you say 2001
Some say “A space odyssey,”
Some say “September 11th,”
Some say “The year of the first Shrek movie.”
One of those subgroups
Is precious to me.
Filed under Poems
A Fairy Tale Romance
I hold your hand and count to ten
On fingers, yours and mine.
I see the ring I’ll give to you
And how the gold will shine.
I see the satin dress you’ll wear,
Your lacy veil of white
And how our lives will be complete
After our wedding night.
I smell our families’ tears of joy
And hear the words we’ll say
To merge two hearts eternally
On one momentous day.
I feel the fire in my heart,
How yours must burn the same,
I ask you now to you marry me!
Oh, also, what’s your name?
Filed under Poems
If California Secedes…
I wish there were a country
That was named “Yomom’sawhore”
‘Cause that way children wouldn’t have to
Study geography anymore.
Filed under Poems
Because Disney Ruins Everything
If I owned a magic candy cane
That could call thunder and rain
I’d try to die ASAP
So they wouldn’t think my life would be a good movie.
Filed under Poems
A Diatribe On The State Of Political Upheaval In Western Civilization
The incidences of protests
Inversely correlate
With the cost of protest signs
And whether people have a date.
Filed under Poems
Head In The Clouds
I looked up at the clouds
To the the faces in the sky.
I saw one, with a large nose
And big blue eyes
And goofy white hair.
And I wondered
“Is he going to open his parachute soon?”
Filed under Poems
Watch As This Somehow Violates The WordPress Terms Of Service…
If you see an ad
Anywhere around this page
Do not click on it.
Advertisers don’t
Pay me to be on my site.
That gives me no joy.
But if I offend
All the advertising firms
They might go away.
Thus all these haiku
Warning you not to click on
Those cheap f#%^ers’ ads.
Filed under Poems
White Privilege 2.0
Despite meeting a cannibal
I feel pretty good.
I was scared until he said
That he liked Chinese food.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 