There’s a billion folks in poverty.
A billion more are sick.
Every day a million innocents
Will fall for dirty tricks.
Homeless folks are freezing
And millions have no food
But you made a cross at halftime
So I’ve got you, football dude!
Tag Archives: Travesty
Al Capone, Libertarian
I ask you now to wonder
On the act of taking plunder
And on pirate-like behavior as a whole:
How does someone with a flag
Holding out a taxman’s bag
Compare to vagrants charging travelers a toll?
And what of other you’s and me’s
Traveling on the seven seas
When a Jolly Roger pulls their cannon out
And says “give us what you’ve got
“Or you’ll probably get shot.”
That’s what piracy and taxes are about!
Now sure, our brand of takers
Cheer beside you for the Lakers
And send you notes before they pull their gun
But they are not made less like Smeagol
Just because their theft is legal
And their pre-audit demeanor is more fun.
I’m not afraid to call BS
On our nation’s IRS.
Now excuse me, for I must go on the run.
If I’d Written This Ten Years Ago I’d Be A Prophet
As Booth did to Lincoln
And school did to fun
I fear that to music
Will quite soon be done.
If you flip the radio
(Or whichever app’s in now)
You’ll find to enunciate
Is practically sin now.
To play any chords
Besides 1, 5, 6, and 4
Makes the average listener
Call such songs a snore
And no matter the genre
You will find bits of rap.
Yes I fear that all music
Will soon become crap.
Is there a solution
To pop music’s decline?
If so, leave a comment.
If not, I’ll just whine.
Filed under Poems
[(e^ x pi)^2] x 32/8 Poems About Stephen Hawking
He inspired T-Pain’s voice
And Kristen Stewart’s face.
He inspired the customer service line
For JPMorgan Chase.
He’s inspired Chuck Norris’s costars
And how my face looks when I kiss.
He inspired Kaepernick’s anthem quote:
“I will not stand for this.”
——————————————————–
Stephen Hawking read a book
About how to improve his look.
A little rouge and some eyeliner…
He was a brief history of sublimer!
——————————————————–
If Stephen Hawking gained some weight
And higher mass increases gravitational pull
Would fat Stephen Hawking be more attractive?
(And you thought physics was dull)!
——————————————————–
Stephen Hawking lit himself on fire
To experience how burning feels.
He gained a greater understanding
And a new nickname: Hot Wheels
Filed under Poems
Gender Studies Major Seeking Employment
My IQ is 99.
My height is five-foot-three.
My GPA was 1.8
When I earned my PhD.
I’m not a total nincompoop,
Just a little slow.
If you ever need a nincompee
I’m free. Just let me know!
Filed under Poems
Storytelling, PhD Style
Once upon a time
There was a noncommittal grunt
That lurked within the throat
Of a rather stuck up… woman.
One day it emerged
And then vanished into thin air.
There’s some backstory and lore as well
But I figure you don’t care.
Filed under Poems
If The Beatles Were Japanese
Kaiju… Don’t make it mad.
It takes a city and makes it flatter.
Remember to shoot it straight in the heart.
Then you can start to stem the slaughter.
Kaiju… Best be afraid.
Though it’s filmed in low resolution
The minute its scales start to glow white
You know a fight’s the best solution.
And any time it feels pain, Kaiju eats planes.
It’s teeth are big and blunt like boulders.
And know you know how far Kaiju can fling poor you
Whenever his primal temper smolders.
Raarrrraaaarraarrr rar rar rar raaaar…
Rar rar rar raaaaaaarrrrrr… Kaiju.
Mitsu, don’t let me down.
You’re for some reason a robot pilot.
Remember to punch it right in the heart
So school-kids can start to sing together. (For whatever reason)
So fight it out and knock it down, Kaiju’s renown
Will suffer a bit after your meeting.
Don’t fret, Mitsu, that only you can fight Kaiju
And dish out an asian island beating.
Ha ha ha, ha, ha ha ha… HIYAAA!
Kaiju… he’s going down.
Falls in Tokyo Bay and makes stuff wetter.
The credits are just beginning to roll
But don’t take a stroll… the sequel’s better.
Rah, mama, and a hiyaa! Guess what we saw? Kaiju!
Rah, mama, and a hiyaa! Guess what we saw? Kaiju!
Rah, mama, and a hiyaa! Guess what we saw? Kaiju!
Rah, mama, and a hiyaa! Guess what we saw? Kaiju!
Rah, mama, and a hiyaa! Guess what we saw? Kaiju!
Rah, mama, and a hiyaa! Guess what we saw? Kaiju!
Rah, mama, and a hiyaa! Guess what we saw? Kaiju!
Rah, mama, and a hiyaa! Guess what we saw? Kaiju!
Rah, mama, and a hiyaa! Guess what we saw? Kaiju!
Rah, mama, and a hiyaa! Guess what we saw? Kaiju!
Rah, mama, and a hiyaa! Guess what we saw? Kaiju!
Rah, mama, and a hiyaa! Guess what we saw? Kaiju 2!
The NO-bel Prize
I think we need a Nobel Prize
For folks who do not stand out.
If you’ve never heard of someone
Then they would deserve this handout.
We’d make a list of everyone
Who’ve done anything in their life
Then send somebody not on that list
A small prize, like a knife.
That winner would not be informed
Of the significance of the prize,
Nor would the media or public
Of the award be told likewise.
The laureate would carry on
Not doing much at all.
I think that merits an award
But, hey, that’s just my call.
Filed under Poems
True Biology Facts
Blue whales are the biggest beasts
That ever lived on earth
Who weigh more than Drew Carey
At the moment of their birth.
They start out life as sperm whales
Then they go to whale high school
Where they get teased until they’re sad
And thus end up blue. Cool!
Filed under Poems
Bachelor Life
Sometimes
When I see a beautiful woman
I feel compelled
To approach her,
Take a sip of champagne,
Gargle it loudly for 12.5 seconds
Then just walk away
‘Cause I don’t need all that drama.
The Daily Travesty 