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Tag Archives: Travesty
Off The Grid
The government is playing Yahtzee
Except instead of rolling dice
They get to place the dice face-up
However they think is nice.
Meanwhile, they make us roll our dice
And tell them what we rolled
Even though they already watched us
And take half our score ‘til we fold.
Playing Yahtzee with the government
Is not a whole lot of fun
So that’s why I want to go live in the woods
With my wife, my dog, and my gun.
#Relatable
So you know when you’re in public
And you kinda need to poop
So you go into the restroom
And kinda do a stoop
And pray that all the excrement
That needs to leave your bum
Will flow into the toilet
Before your knees get numb?
You wait and wait for seven years
(The watch would say 1 minute)
‘Til you let loose a bunny turd
And you say, “That’s good, innit?”
And then you do the little walk
Back to the restaurant table
And though you still have to poop
You also want to seem mentally stable?
Filed under Poems
When Your Child Is A “Musician”
To make a student concert go
There are some things you need to know.
Just like a wedding, what you hear
May cause you to shed a tear.
They’ll play a tune you know by heart,
Beloved favorite, devoid of art
And then a piece that’s written so
The talentless might play a show.
This will go on for several hours
And won’t be cancelled due to showers
To gird your loins and plug your ears;
You’ll have one for the next ten years.
Filed under Poems
What Effect Was That Again?
With all the hurricanes and fires
And political unrest
I think it’s time we kill the butterflies.
Take heart. It’s for the best!
Filed under Poems
Ten-Year-Old Me And Thirty-Year-Old Me Have The Same Complaints
My parents said that trading card games
Weren’t good for my education
But as I grow advanced in age
I deny that proclamation
Because working for days on a perfect deck
And bringing it to play with strangers
Only to get wiped out by $1,000 carboard
Is a lesson in capitalist dangers.
Filed under Poems
We Lost… But So Did The Chiefs. I’ll Take It!
So super bowl 59…
I guess you’d describe it as “fine”.
Lo, the history tomes
Yearned for Patrick Mahomes
But the script picked the alt storyline.
Filed under Poems
Look At The Bright Side… Or Don’t… Do Whatever You Want
I asked my wife for a random word
To inspire my poem tonight.
Here eyes went wide, her gaze went blank,
And she went towards the light.
Now alone and uninspired
I type this tepid verse
But at least it’s quiet in the house
So I guess it could be worse.
Filed under Poems
I Wrote The First Line… But I Ain’t No Quitter
There once was a form called the FAFSA
Which asked for my tax info. Laughs, ya?
Then my wife had to say
That yes, I did pay,
All to get zero money. That’s a gaffe-sa!
Filed under Poems
The Worst Place That Everyone Wants To Be?
Anerica is an evil place
Led by terrible rapists and thieves
And yet people say it violates their rights
If anyone asks them to leave?
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 