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Take a day off! Have some fun!
This is your chance to relax and be free
By sitting for hours and watching TV!
Tag Archives: Travesty
What Do You Mean This Is Ridiculous? Have You Tried It?
If you’re ever feeling lonely
Go to the store and buy a melon
Then drive to your local prison
And give your purchase to a felon.
Criminals love melons…
Seedy fruit for seedy guys.
Also, you’re no longer lonely
And, perhaps, you may be wise.
Filed under Poems
Chck/Kchck
My pronouns are just
The sound of a pump shotgun
Loading one more shell
Filed under Poems
Duolingo
I may not be bilingual
And my accent might be bad
When I speak a foreign language
With the lessons that I’ve had.
Still I claim that I speak Turkish
On my resume at work;
I can say “My owl is well-tempered
“But my bobcat is a jerk”.
Filed under Poems
I Feel Like There’s A Word For This…
Do you ever just feel exhausted,
Like you’re sleepwalking while horizontal
But instead of moving around
You sit in a weary font, dull?
And then you’re so tired your mind drifts
And you hallucinate vividly for an hour
And then find yourself in the morning
And you’re rested? That’s my super power!
Filed under Poems
Nah Boss, I Just Copied And Pasted The DNA From Some Frogs. What Could Go Wrong?
Dinosaurs are cool but not that useful.
Jobs are necessary but lame.
Thus I conclude that paleontologists
Play a very confusing game.
Filed under Poems
You Never Know What You’re Gonna Get
They say life is like a box of chocolates
But I think it’s more like a Chinese buffet:
You get to eat as much as you can manage
But if it’s chicken or a puppy, who can say?
Filed under Poems
The Great Reset
Sometime in 1988
We finished the political game
And now we’re playing as the final boss
And discovering the devs made him lame.
I move we return to the menu
And delete our saved data, restarting
At the level where we’re naked cave people
And we elect leaders by farting.
Filed under Poems
Talk On The Streets
There once was a potato named Joe
Who forgot how to talk on a show.
He had a sidekick
Who was black and a chick
And what’s that I hear? Overthrow?
Filed under Poems
Apple: Because I Chose It When I Was 12 And It’s Too Late Now
For a few months my iPhone
Had eight hours of life between charges,
Then the next model released
And my phone bill suddenly enlarges.
Oh, an update to iOS x+1?
That sounds like an important step.
Did it drop my battery life by 20 percent?
Unsurprisingly, that’s a big “yep”.
“It’s ok”, says my telephone rep.
“You can upgrade today for free.
“You’ll just change your phone number
“And sign here in blood
“And pay for 69 months interest-free!”
And so, in a rage, I go shopping
For whatever Android people buy,
Then I remember how all my app data
Only works if my phone has an “i”
And I slink to my room where my charger
Sits happily waiting to go.
I’ll repeat this emotional process
Every year for a lifetime or so.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 