There once was a belly-up cat
Whose entire body was made of fat.
He lay on his back,
Then with claws did attack
And then fell asleep just like that!
Tag Archives: True Story
Different Decade, Same Crap
It’s been exactly ten years today
Since I wrote my first post here:
May 28th, the fateful day,
2012 the fateful year.
Back then people were afraid
The Mayan calendar was done
And the world would finish with it
And nobody had fun.
If they looked ahead ten years
To life in 2022
They’d try to ask the Mayans
Why they didn’t follow through.
Filed under Poems
Piece by Peace
You told me that you’re broken
But I have to disagree.
You’re at the disadvantage
Of not seeing what I see.
You don’t see my future
When mascara washes away;
You don’t see the smile
I ask God for when I pray;
You don’t hear the stars align
Every time you laugh and sing.
Even when you feel broken
You’re my everything.
So when you say you’re broken
Disbelieve a little while
While I become a mirror
To show you how you smile,
How you laugh and how you sing
And cry but keep on living;
I want to reflect to you
The love you’re always giving
Until the sun will rise again
And together we will shine
And find your broken pieces
Fit perfectly with mine.
Filed under Poems
When You Didn’t Plan Your Day But You Still Have 2.5 Minutes To Write
Sometimes you drive
To somewhere about
The middle of nowhere
And you go without
Cellular service
Or the internet.
I’m on my way there
So this poem’s all you get.
Filed under Poems
I Started Writing This Poem In Real Time As We Tried To Watch A Movie, And ai Committed Way Too Hard To The Gimmick…
Portable DVD player
Why are you useless?
You should make life easier
But instead cause us stress.
I wish I could shoot you
In the face with a gun
But you don’t even have a face…
Another reason you’re no fun.
I’m writing this ode to you
As a professional IT person
Tries to make you work at all
Yet the situation does still worsen.
You are naughty, bad, and stupid
And a big mean jerk
But I’d rescind those judgements
If you’d just freakin’ work.
A part of me is fearful now
This poem will not end
Because you are our tech enemy
And not our entertainment friend.
Don’t you see the pain you’re causing
Readers of this blog?
All this to watch a DVD…
What a somber slog.
I would skip ahead in time
To tell you how this ends
But if we made a graph of progress
And analyzed the line of trends
I think the universe would end
In heat death before long
So just sing this poem over and over
Like the 99 bottles of beer song.
Filed under Poems
Last Night’s Bad Decisions Lead To… Not Exactly Redemption
Whenever a poem begins with “tonight”
You pretty much know it’s no good
So this morning I’m writing early
Because I figure I should.
The problem is autobiographical poems
Are also universally mediocre
So maybe instead of being a poet
I should take up professional poker?
Filed under Poems
Perhaps The Most Extraordinarily Literal Poem Ever
Tonight, I lay in bed and rest
So tomorrow I can make a quest
Southward past the Emerald City
Where law enforcement’s really shitty.
I’m going there to see my girl,
Upon whom all my thoughts do swirl.
We’re working on my latest book
And soon you’ll get an early look!
So yeah, that’s all I have to say…
Just a life update and marketing play.
She is great and so are you
And now I need to sleep. Yahoo!
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
In Other News, How Did 10:53 Become “Late”?
There once was a poet in bed
With ideas flush in his head,
But he stayed ip too late
And, as was his fate,
He dashed down a limerick instead.
Filed under Poems
True Stories from a Man’s Kitchen
Today I made some cheesecake
That I got from a mix.
I mixed a lime and whipping cream
With several cream cheese sticks,
But when I picked the mixer
To taste the final yum
I realized I forgot to add the mix
And yes, I’m really that dumb!
Filed under Poems
My Girl Called This “So Sweet” … Should I Be Worried?
I love you
With all my heart,
Like hobos love
A shopping cart,
Like children laugh
When people fart,
When we are near
Or far apart.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 