Let me walk you through a moment
Of what I call “being me.”
Instead of streaming music
And paying a monthly fee
I plugged in my computer
From around 2008,
Pressed power on at 6:15
And it booted up by 8:00,
Loaded up my iTunes
From before it was an app
Then uploaded some files
That will make my right foot tap,
Plugged in my phone and synced it
For an hour and a half
Then enjoyed my music free of charge
With a joyful millennial laugh.
Filed under Poems
Big fat ginger cat
Satan in a fluffy ball
He deserves more food
Filed under Poems
As a blogger, it’s satisfying
When I get a notification
That says a lot of people are viewing my site
And I check on the location
And see three-hundred thirty-seven
Views from Germany
And I know that for some reason
The spambots have chosen me.
Filed under Poems
I saw a commercial on TV
For the state of Illinois.
Apparently, they have a restaurant
And a museum too. Oh boy!
I’m packing my bags and dreaming
Of my grand midwest escape
Where the humidity is thick
And so is the red tape!
Filed under Poems
Tonight, when playing pickleball
I did a little dance
While trying to smack that fickle ball
And oops! I ripped my pants!
I learned to play more cautiously.
Also, for what it’s worth
I’ve secured my reputation
As the whitest man on Earth.
Filed under Poems
Fat cat on my lap goes splat
And I pat his fat and that is that.
I rub and rub all ‘round his roundness
Until I question my mental soundness.
I sploop his leg and bwork his boop
And give his little gleeb a ploop
And then he bites and runs away
And thus I end another day.
Filed under Poems
Duolingo says I’m wrong
When I type “La buste” instead of “Le buste”
But it also told me it couldn’t get married because there was a dinosaur in the church
So I’m not really sure who to trust.
Filed under Poems
Hot tub in the snow
Warm and cozy, loving life
Whatcha mean, “Get out”?
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There once was a form called the FAFSA
Which asked for my tax info. Laughs, ya?
Then my wife had to say
That yes, I did pay,
All to get zero money. That’s a gaffe-sa!
Filed under Poems
I am the guy who doesn’t drink
But you would never know.
I order fancy cocktails like
A coke and H2O,
A margarita with just the rocks,
A daiquiri sans gin,
A Moscow Mule without the lime
And hold the liquid sin.
These lines and others have done me right
And now I’m proud to be
Watching some Youtube on Friday night
Just I, Myself, and Me!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 