Yesterday I wrote a joke
And thought I’d write more later.
By later I had decomposed
Into a couch potater.
From the fact ai wrote “potater”
I suspect that you can see
This week has not inspired
My most vibrant artistry.
So tonight I have a fallback
That I’ve used in ages past
Where I write a bit on writing
And use words like “grand” and “vast.”
I make questionable decisions
And lines with uneven meter,
And rap up the inanity
By rhyming with saltpeter.
Filed under Poems
Today a friend was stalking me
Online (with my permission)
And came upon this blog o’ mine
(A most unwise decision)
And as we got to talking
She inspired me to write
A poem about dragons,
Thus my topic for tonight!
But what about a dragon
Would amuse a reader new?
Perhaps my thoughts on bacon
From a dragon’s point of view!
For if I were a dragon
And consumed my daily meat
I’d think a dragon with good taste
Would think bacon’s a treat…
But how’s a mighty villain
Who’s as hateful as he’s big
Going to get the finest strippings
Of the kingdom’s finest pig?
Now, I am not a dragon
(Through no fault of mine… I’m trying!)
And so thinking with a dragon’s mind’s
As likely as pigs flying,
And since there is no evidence
That dragons found a way
To eat sufficient bacon
To make problems go away
I came to the conclusion
That I think must ring true-ish…
Dragons don’t eat bacon,
Therefore dragons must be Jewish!
Filed under Poems
Sometime in the distant past
Somebody’s wife I suppose
Decided to hang a bunch of pipes
So whenever the wind blows
It makes the sound of a little kid
Assaulting a glockenspiel
And she sold these things for thirty bucks
And I don’t know how I feel…*
*That’s a lie. I love them. They are wonderful.
Women live longer
Than men, this is true,
But how many women
Say “I’d die for you”?
Men on the other hand
Say it a lot,
So men must die younger
‘Cause women are hot.
Filed under Poems
Conforming is courage.
Sameness is unique.
Silence is violence
So we all must speak,
But if you speak other
Than what we agree
The only conclusion
Is patriarchy!
Everyone’s special
Except for the whites
And all men, plus women
Who want to have rights.
Such people are dangers
To our peaceful views
Unless they are silenced
By endless bad news.
“The truth” is old-fashioned.
“Your truth” will prevail.
If there are no winners
Then no one can fail!
So dye your hair purple
And get your tattoos
And be one of us rebels
Who share the same views.
Filed under Poems
Whether we walk by the mountains or sea
We consider ourselves on the ground,
But the birds and the fish far below disagree
And render the notion unsound.
The birds up above sing to each other
Of how humans choose not to fly,
Enjoying the feeling that comes from remaining
Always at the bottom of “sky.”
The fish and the whales and coral and seals
Think of our waterless place
As one way a heaven, in other ways hell,
Just as we humans must think of space.
We are at the apex, we are at the bottom,
All trapped by the pull of a star.
To some we are Gods, to others we’re vermin
And I’m just content that we are.
Filed under Poems
When I was five years old I thought
That I was pretty strong
Until I tried to lift my dad
And found out I was wrong.
When I was fifteen I figured
That I was pretty suave
Until I learned that suave’s a word
That doesn’t rhyme with “shave.”
When I was twenty five I thought
That I was pretty smart
Until I turned my car key
And the engine didn’t start.
And I suspect at thirty five
And forty five and older
The things I saw in my mind’s eye
I’ll see as a beholder.
I just hope at ninety
Or whenever death will dial
I’ll remember all the times I erred
Then look ahead and smile.
Filed under Poems
I’m reading a book recommended to me
By a woman whom I once adored.
I’m reading, avoiding inviting the world
For the world leaves me feeling ignored.
I make friends with a spider I’m terrified of
Who lives on my white bedroom wall;
I know he deserves life as much as I do
Even though he is creepy and small.
I’m wearing soft clothing, lying and waiting
And writing a poem in bed,
Remembering over and over forever
The words that I felt and I said.
I’m hearing the lawnmower, water through pipes,
The cars on the road passing by
Destined to be somewhere other than here
And I can’t help my wondering why.
Why is the grass not allowed to be growing?
Why must the spider bring fear?
Why do the people drive quickly to elsewhere
When they know they will end up back here?
Why do I care for an author’s opinion?
Why can’t I love people less?
All I can do is get up and keep smiling
And be me: a beautiful mess.
Filed under Poems
I’m sitting here in the airport
Listening to celebrities giving PSA’s
And I’m wondering which is more painful:
Selling out that much
Or that my taxes paid for them.
Filed under Poems
Today a man who made himself
And all his staff exempt
From being vaccinated
Most audaciously has dreamt
That those who didn’t get a shot
That doesn’t stop the spread
Are somehow the ones responsible
That twelve more folks are dead.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 