I found out a shortcut
Whose power I tap
To see if a thing
Is worthwhile or crap:
I ask normal people
“Do you prefer A or B?”
Then they say “Both are good”
And I settle on C.
Tag Archives: Truth
Never Doubt Your Business Ideas Again
Somebody once thought
We should take the white things chickens poop
And break them in a pan
Over a fire
Until they’re still damp
But also really warm
Then cover them in fermented milk
And dehydrated seawater
And fill them with vegetables no one likes
And sell them to husbands for $18
To appease their sexually frustrated wives
And call it brunch.
Filed under Poems
And Your 2021 Nobel Peace Prize Nominee Is…
Today I did nothing
And it was amazing!
I sat on my butt and was still.
I looked into space
And thought about eating
But lacked all the required will.
I noticed the clock
As the hours ticked by
And almost did something by caring
But I fought the urge
And then happily lapsed
Back to stillness and vacantly staring.
Filed under Poems
Great Minds Think Alike, But Fools Seldom Differ
The best thing about 8 billion people
Is, at least according to me,
That no matter what weird opinion you have
At least one other guy will agree.
The worst thing about 8 billion people
Is, also according to moi,
That a bunch of the rich and the stupid ones
Agree their opinions are law.
Filed under Poems
It All Makes Sense Now…
Doctors say lots of children
Have ADHD
And would sit all day long
Just to watch some TV
But instead they must go
To be receive state education
In a room full of bullies
And other frustration.
We do this to children
Because they must learn
About how they can focus
Until they adjourn
As good reborn children
Instead of mere scamps,
Thus why schools should be called
“Concentration camps.”
Filed under Poems
What About The Roads Though?
In the past twelve months, America
Printed twice as much money
As every American Billionaire combined,
Which is twenty percent
Of all dollars ever spent
Since 1835.
That money could pay off
All American credit card debt
AND all American student loan debt
Twice.
And so I ask:
Why do we need taxes again?
Filed under Poems
Plus The One About Chocolate Slaves Murdering Lottery Winners For Their Zany CEO’s Amusement…
Children’s books today address
Bullying and gender
And how to make vegan, non-fat,
Pastrami in a blender.
Children’s books in my day
Were like “Bears go to the beach,”
And “Here’s a story ’bout some kid
“With an enormous peach.”
Which of the Following Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?
Yet another sign
That our publics schools suck ass:
They have a grading rubric
For a “creative writing” class.
Filed under Poems
What Are Your Other Two Wishes?
“Prove that genies aren’t real!”
Demanded my stepbrother, Buzz.
“The greatest proof genies don’t exist
“Is that single-ply toilet paper still does.”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 