Before your TV show resumes
Please watch this little ad
From a global corporation
To remind you that you’re bad.
And if our subtle message
Won’t subliminally take
Don’t worry. There are 14 more
In every single break.
Tag Archives: Truth
Today’s Episode Of “Incompetent Leading Man Bailed Out By Quirky Minority Sidekick” Is Brought To You By…
Filed under Poems
We Should Have Said “Stay…”
In the beginning the wolves roamed the wild
Just eating the grazers and sometimes a child.
Then some stupid human said “Fluffy! Yoohoo!”
And he started to breed them for me and for you.
The first were domestic and strong, fast and loyal,
A dog for the brave, whether peasant or royal.
They had names like “Fido,” “Apache,” and “Spike,”
And they pooped where they wanted and liked what they like.
But soon came some others, and not for the better:
They came with free handbags and even a sweater.
These dogs were called “Floofums,” “McTwinkle,” and “Cheese,”
And maybe they’ll sit if you nicely ask “Please?”
Soon we’ll have puppies the size of our phones
Who only chew vegan, soy, gluten-free bones,
And when we accept such weak canines as pets
We’ll know just how low our society gets.
Filed under Poems
Some Truths Are Harder To Accept
Roses are red.
The worst sport is soccer.
Biden’s the pres’
Just like Rey’s a Skywalker.
Filed under Poems
Sheer Will Can Only Go So Far
Tonight I have no topics
To write a poem about…
But will that stop me? Never!
I’m shocked you’d ever doubt!
No force of man or nature
Can stop me writing junk.
As big tech corporations say:
“It’s a feature, not a funk.”
In fact, when I’m inspired
I might settle for one stanza
About something that sounds funny
Like Swaziland or Lufthansa.
But today, despite my lack
Of anything resembling a point
I wrote a lengthy poem
And if you don’t like it, suck my groint.
Filed under Poems
Pomp(oms) and Circumstance
Cheerleaders always turned me on
Since I was a boy of 10,
So when Biden got elected
I was delighted that CNN
And every major outlet
Of mainstream American news
Became unabashed cheerleaders
Shouting “Give us I, give us O, give us U’s!”
Filed under Poems
If The Analogy Works Dat Thang…
Remember Mandy the stripper?
The one who showed you her rear
Before she leaned in close to you
And whispered in your ear,
“You’re the one I’m dancing for,”
So you slip her 20 bucks?
That’s basically how the government works
And why I say it sucks.
Filed under Poems
Dear Conspiracy Theorists…
Some people believe
That our world will be conquered
By satanic lizards from Mars.
To those folks I say,
“Don’t be scared… it’s okay.
“Their rulers are better than ours!”
Filed under Poems
Random Thought of the Day
Roses are red,
My car’s a two-seater.
Everything’s a piñata
If you’re not a picky eater.
Filed under Poems
Some Things Must Never Be Said In Civilized Company
I interviewed a guy today
Who seemed a classy man;
A graduate from Harvard
Who served in Afghanistan,
An ally to the homeless
Who kept them clothed and fed.
He was well-prepared, as well as
Well-dressed and well-read.
The only box that wasn’t checked
For this supreme go-getter
Was when he said “the warm side
Of the pillow feels better.”
How Important Is The Vaccine?
.00000005
Is the percent of Americans infected during this pandemic.
.00000005
Is evidence corruption is systemic.
If a million people gathered in a single room
And .00000005 percent got sick as hell
Then of the million gathered there would tell you
One twentieth of one of them might feel a bit unwell.
.00000005
Is a number sixteen syllables long.
And yet it shut down the world for a year
And you ask me what I think is wrong?
Sources:
Population Clock –
Census.gov/popclock
New York Times –
Nytimes.com/interactive/2020/us/coronavirus-us-cases.html
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 