I saw a guy driving today
Who had a sign in their back window:
“Please stay back,
“New stick shift driver.”
I’m putting that in the back window
Of every car I buy
From this day forward.
Tag Archives: Truth
A Moral Dilemma
A train is coming down a track
On which doth a maiden lie.
If I took no action
It was certain that she’d die
But if I threw a lever
The train would change its track
And Taylor Swift would never die.
Now on maiden crows do snack.
Filed under Poems
It Was Totally Sincere, But Then I Needed A Rhyme
I’m grateful for people
Who do not expect
Good poems on holidays
And, to me, genuflect.
Filed under Poems
When All The Good Men Are 5’11”
If a man makes 40k
And his girl makes 10
She’ll happily be his Barbie
And he will be her Ken.
If a man makes 40k
And his girl makes 20
She will call him Sugarplum
And he will call her Honey.
If a man makes 40k
And his girl makes thirty
You can guarantee that they’ll
Be eager to talk dirty.
If a man makes 40k
And she makes 41
Shame on her for dating down!
Their relationship is done.
Filed under Poems
5:00 AM, The Homes Of Single Women Everywhere
Bloodshot are her yellow eyes,
Pearly white her claws,
And you have been found guilty
Of not following her laws.
She deigns to shake her golden mane
Before she makes you dead,
The only just denouement
For leaving the cat unfed.
Filed under Poems
After The SAT
Floccinaucinihilipilification
Is my favorite pastime,
And since no one can pronounce it
This poem needn’t rhyme.
But if you think that word is fake
Or unnecessarily wide
Then, ironically, you have just
Floccinaucinihilipilified.
Filed under Poems
Talking to the Recruiter
What’s the best job in the army?
It’s Minesweeping, they say;
You do everything right for years
Then your problems go away.
Filed under Poems
Legolas and Pitiless
There are lots of similarities
Between Epstein and Tolkien’s elves:
Both hang around with youngsters
And neither of them kill themselves.
Three Equally Feasible Ideals
Free college is nice
But some don’t want it.
Free healthcare is grand
But some people taunt it.
If we want to please
The entire USA
Pass a law that makes
Every day Saturday!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 