I think if you want
Your kid to not be pitied
Name him “Nography.”
Category Archives: Poems
Thanks for the Memories?
Some people say it’s easy
To never care too much,
To be free and fun and easy
And they live their life as such.
I wish that feeling apathy
Was simple like they say,
But alas, the need to care too much
Won’t seem to go away.
To make a fancy breakfast
And not share it with another;
To read a book and wonder
What exactly makes heights wuther?
These and many other things
I wish I could erase
But I sleep a lifetime later
Still just thinking of your face.
Filed under Poems
Before Chad And Karen, There Was This Guy
Just because his name is Curtis
Doesn’t mean that he is curt.
Just because her name is Cindy
Doesn’t mean that she’s a sinner.
Just because my name is Dick
Doesn’t mean I feelings hurt.
Now where, my wifey dearest,
Is my mother****ing dinner?
Filed under Poems
Love and War
Whenever Italy gets attacked
Someone must fell Rome,
Someone conquers Cicily,
Burns a Venetian home…
Yes, in an Italian conquest
These sackings are the staples
But a satisfying extra
Is somebody licked their Naples.
Filed under Poems
Being Humble Is Almost As Hard As My Abs
I know I need to be humble,
To be a non-judgmental guy,
But if I said that was easy
What I say would be a lie.
The fact of the matter is I am just
Incredible, without a doubt
To the point where the lesbians love me
And the straightest of men will come out.
When I step out of bed in the morning
The sun is ashamed to be seen
Because how can a glorious light like that
Compare to me? Know what I mean?
So yes, in my mind I’m aware
That humility would serve me well
So I offer my prayers to Heaven…
The same Heaven from which I fell ; )
Filed under Poems
Why Do You Think The Moon Is Trying To Grow Ever Closer To Us?
I think the moon is angry
(An observation and a warning)
Because everyone says “Goodnight Moon”
But they never say “Good morning.”
Filed under Poems
Everyman
Somewhere near you is a man
Who has a loaded gun
And a heart full of unspoken pain.
He cannot see the sun,
Nor can he hear the laughter
Of the squirrels and birds and trees.
He walks upright, but out of sight
He’s fallen to his knees.
Somewhere there’s another man –
It might even be you –
Who gives the first a little nod
That says “I feel it too.”
And sometimes just a nod like that
Is all you need to say
To help a wounded warrior
Put the loaded gun away.
You don’t need superpowers
Or a cape to save the day.
Smiling is enough sometimes
To make the world okay.
Filed under Poems
Worth Waiting For
One day a boy was throwing stones
At nothing in the wood
When he struck the belly of
A creature pure and good,
A unicorn of golden mane,
A thing so unexpected
He hardly knew what he could do
The moment they connected.
He knew just what the creature was,
For one cannot mistake
A unicorn for something plain,
An angel for a rake.
He laid his hands upon it
And for some time they were one
Until the moon had passed ahead,
The herald of the sun.
And when the boy had fallen
Into sleep, as boys must do,
The unicorn turned to the North
And took a step, then two,
And when the boy awoke again
His heart was full of light
As he looked for where the unicorn
Had cantered in the night.
At first he was uncertain,
Even fearful in his thought
For wherever he went looking
There the unicorn was not.
To chase it would be folly;
To lose it would be doom;
So he made himself be visible
And gave it lots of room.
He smiled while he waited
‘Til the smile hurt his face,
Then he cried and laughed alternately
And prayed aloud for grace.
The boy is waiting as we sleep,
For sleep we all must do,
Until he hears the hooves again
Come Southward, one, then two.
Filed under Poems
When The Kisses Miss The Missus
When you refuse my kiss
I feel something’s amiss.
When you deny my peck
I think “What the heck?”
When you dodge my caress
I feel some duress.
When you deny being osculated
I feel emosculated.
Filed under Poems
Audubon Abbreviated
A group of owls is a congress,
A group of crows, a murder.
Anything else just call a flock
And you’ll pass as a birder.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 