Category Archives: Poems

A Promising Start

Marjorie Jean was a mysterious queen

Who brought me to a miniature land

Where pain and fear did disappear

But not a bit was bland.

She took me out on a walkabout

For a sandwich of significant size

Then we’d settle in as the games begin

Until the evening had sealed our eyes.

But the morning sun said “you’re not done”

And two cats were fondled and fed

Before M and I walked with Mr. Blue Sky

To the land where the sharks go to bed.

A party of two then suddenly grew

And so did the Marjories double.

This new, larger band celebrated as planned

With all of the expected trouble.

And so fed, I turned with my face and neck burned,

And sped off in a car doused in Axe.

One day I’ll be seen back with Marjorie Jean,

And until that day two hearts relax.

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When You Write Yourself An Anniversary Poem

Nine years ago, a bright young lad

With a twinkle in his eyes

Began a grand adventure

(Which, in hindsight, wasn’t wise),

His goal to publish poetry,

Of dubious merit at best

And to do so unfailingly

Without a day of rest.

More or less that happened,

And here we stand today,

With me patting myself on the back

And you mumbling “okaaaaay?”

Thank you for continuing

To read the swill I write.

Let jollity malinger…

And with that I say good night!

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Where The Owls With Big Pecks Work

I hope in the Harry Potterverse

There’s a chain of restaurants

That serve the tasty chicken wings

That every wizard wants.

This restaurant chain is called “Boobs”

And the waitresses are owls.

It would be a hoot to go there.

Sincerely, JK Rowls.

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When Was The Last Time A Guy With Abs Smiled? I Rest My Case

A boring, shirtless-selfie guy

With pictures of his travels

Briefly loves bikini-babe…

A love that soon unravels.

Alas, the love so brief in time

Creates a permanent child.

This all could have been avoided

If Mr. shirtless-selfie smiled.

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Social Development Marches On

Once upon a time

A guy decided, “Hey

“What if I called people who

“I don’t agree with ‘Gay?'”

Everybody went along

Until a recent date

When some guy said, “What if instead

“We called bad people ‘Straight?'”

Then a third guy spoke his mind:

“Why not just disagree

“While still speaking with respect

“For our adversary?”

Guy one looked at guy two

And guy two said “Lol… gay!”

Then they lynched the third guy

And all conflict went away.

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Guest Poem by Katy Ivers

Two Types of Folks Down at the Creek

Saturday’s our day down at the creek

After working one bleak workweek

You wanna catch a trout,

We wanna bash about.

You want some peace,

We want the po-lice.

You wanna photograph a deer

We wanna drink a case o’ beer… Each

You wanna stay in the country all night long

We wanna party worthy of a country song

Feel Inspired to share your own terrible poetry? Email nominations for guest poems to TheDailyTravesty@yahoo.com

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Happy Birthday Mom!

A mother’s like a brother

If a brother were a mom.

There’s no other to smother;

You’re her one and only “da bomb.”

She’s comfy and inviting

And onto her you do glom.

My mother made me write this

And I wish her much aplomb!

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But Seriously…

At 10:22 in the morning

I think of naught but bliss,

But at 10:22 PM

I think of stuff like this:

If the number of pedophiles goes up

And so do most kids’ weight

I wonder why we haven’t seen

More strong people of late?

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Mistakes Have Been Made

You say you were gloomy,

For quite a long span

When you were a woman

In need of a man.

You say you were sad,

But that’s nothing but talk.

Think of fish without bicycles

Who instead had to walk!

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When She Doesn’t Approve Of Your Job

Work was hard to come by

So I became an exorcist.

Alas, this happy story

Comes with a bitter twist:

I sent unwanted spirits

From this world and set them free,

But my girl, who died in high school,

Called me rude and ghosted me.

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