“Greenland” is a name
That does not describe the place,
Like “United States”
Category Archives: Poems
That Birch!
I bought a leaf blower the other day
And my trees are so happy it’s crazy.
I asked one tree “Why do you smile at me?”
Tree said, “Well, my wife’s gotten lazy…”
Filed under Poems
Government In A Nutshell
“Can we all agree…”
“No! You didn’t vote like me!”
“…That kittens are cute?”
Filed under Poems
Manly Thoughts
We’ve marketed bottles water
And, in some places, fresh air.
I think next we should bottle sleep
(If the marketing people care).
Just twist the child-proof yellow cap
And chug an hour of rest.
Sure, we have caffeine for that
But caffeine’s not the best.
Instead, just but some shuteye
Or even forty winks
And feel refreshed much quicker
And save your bed for kinks.
I’m not sure how you’d do it
But I’m quite sure that we should.
But now I’ll sleep for free again
And pray for morning wood.
Filed under Poems
Goodness Me, Is That More Than 100 BPM My Good Sir?
When your heart beats really fast
That’s tachycardia
(Or so the doctors would have you believe).
But if your heart beats quickly
And you’re upper-middle class
It’s classycardia. (Ok, I’ll leave)
Filed under Poems
This Is Why Horses Became Popular In The Wild West
When robbers hold their guns out
And bellow, “Stick ‘em up”
The whole ordeal is really rather crass.
But it gets even worse
When they try to rob the livestock
‘Cause then the robbers “Stick ‘em up” your ass.
Filed under Poems
Take That, Inspirational Posters!
They say money can’t buy happiness
And maybe they are right
But money can buy spiders
That you can give people out of spite
And spiteful spider-giving
Puts a smile on my face
When I put those “money can’t buy” people
In their rightful place.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 