They said “Name every number.”
I said “Paul.”
They couldn’t refute my argument
And, thus, that was all.
Category Archives: Poems
After The SAT
Floccinaucinihilipilification
Is my favorite pastime,
And since no one can pronounce it
This poem needn’t rhyme.
But if you think that word is fake
Or unnecessarily wide
Then, ironically, you have just
Floccinaucinihilipilified.
Filed under Poems
Talking to the Recruiter
What’s the best job in the army?
It’s Minesweeping, they say;
You do everything right for years
Then your problems go away.
Filed under Poems
Legolas and Pitiless
There are lots of similarities
Between Epstein and Tolkien’s elves:
Both hang around with youngsters
And neither of them kill themselves.
The Model Meets The Gamer
I’m young and very beautiful
As you can clearly see,
And so I guess you’re losing sleep
So oft you think of me?
…
It’s true that you are beautiful,
It’s true that you are young,
But I think of you as often
As the flavor of my tongue.
Filed under Poems
When You’re Not Sure Who To Offend…
At the 5K Run for white power
People called me “Hitler” to my face.
I disagreed with them, explaining
“Unlike Hitler, I can finish a race.”
Filed under Poems
Bless Me Son, For I Done Sinned
A while ago I wrote a poem
About how to be your own son.
Recently, through Jesus,
I wrote another one:
If you are a grandfather
Of your son’s male offspring
I’m happy to report that you
Can do an exciting thing…
If your son joins the clergy
As a Presbyterian
And you go to his church
Your grandkid is your Father’s son.
Filed under Poems
The Givers Of Up
When you’re dead but your body won’t let you be
When you’re closed but the sign says you’re open
When you’re trying to sleep in the light and the heat
And can’t cope with how well you’re coping
It might be you’re sideways and falling
To the ground that you already touch
And it could be you feel unwelcome
In a world that adores you too much
And it could be you suffer from comfort
All alone in a room filled with you
But I have to ask why you would stay closed and die
How you feel okay to just sleep through the day
How you admit defeat to the ground at your feet
When your choices define what is true
Filed under Poems
How Dare I?
I don’t think it’s funny
And I don’t think it’s strange
To have autistic teenagers
Opposing climate change.
I find it quite the opposite,
A much welcomed relief
To show that neurotypicals
Need not hold their belief.
Filed under Poems
This Problem Doesn’t Happen For Board Game Dates
I asked her out to eat with me
At Chez Insertnamehere.
It was a place with candlelight
And very expensive beer.
After our romantic dinner
Conversation hit a lull.
She said “Let’s have dinner again,”
But, alas, I was already full.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 