Category Archives: Poems

What Makes An Artist Successful?

The important part of making art

May be your visible passion

Whether for painting, poetry,

Sculpture, dance, or fashion.

It may be skill, in motion or still,

Technique from masters past…

But I think it’s knowing a millionaire

Who needs tax write-offs fast!

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I Can Add “Princess Coach” To My Resumé Now

One of the benefits of being a poet

Is apparently you qualify

To go to a local high school

And coach (read “attempt to mollify”)

Some local pageant princesses

Who have to learn a speech

Because if you know English

You do not do; You teach!

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Four Years Is A Long Time To Not Be Held Accountable

If we held an election

Every 3 months, I’ve found

That three months before each election

The price of gas would go down,

Mortgage and interest rates lower,

Groceries cost less to buy,

And if your candidate loses

You only suffer three months of “that guy.”

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What Turning 30 Feels Like

I awoke with crack and a groan

In a house where I live on my own.

I ate soup from a can

‘Cause I’m an old man

And I still use a rotary phone.

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How To Become Student Body President In 2024

The homework problem said:

“What is the natural log of 4?”

I said “I was raised a middle-class kid, and I’m the only person on the debate stage tonight who has a plan to lift up the middle class and working people of America.”

Apparently, I got a perfect score.

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Of All The Laws That Could Backfire Magnificently, THAT’S Where You Draw The Line?

So memes are illegal in California

And guns are illegal in cities

And being illegal is totally legal

And we still haven’t freed the titties?

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It’s A Stalemate, By The Way. You’re Welcome

Oh muse, you flighty angel

Who fills my mind with light,

Why can’t you come when I’m working

And not the middle of the night,

For when I lay my head upon

My pillow, soft and dark,

I do not want to think about

Who would win: A truck or a shark.

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Heck, Even C3PO Ended Up Shooting People…

Remember when the movies

Had awesome robot pals

Like R2, Gort, the Terminator,

Bender, Ultron, and Hal?

Remember how these robots

All were murderous piles of chrome?

And now I ask: why would you want

A robot in your home?

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Cletus Prepares For Hurricane Charlene

Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall.

Ninety-nine bottles of beer…

The weather is dicey

But plywood is pricey

Thus ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall!

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Port-au-Prince Palace Anyone?

We’ve talked about Chinese food

Being cats for many a year

And I have to ask if Haitians

Are missing a franchise opportunity here…

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