Shall I compare thee to a Summer’s day?
Wait, really?
Ok then, I guess…
Category Archives: Poems
English
If “baby” is an infant
And “baby” means a loved one
And “baby” is taking care of people
And “baby” is an easily-offended someone
Then the act of taking care of
A weak beloved child
Is to baby your baby baby baby
And baby, I think that’s wild!
Filed under Poems
Ladies, Learn To Reboot A Router
If your husband is pooping
And taking his time
So that hours have passed
And the scent is a crime
There’s no need to bother
With a knock or a shout;
His business will finish
When the Wifi goes out.
Filed under Poems
Lord Aberforth, Earl of Wigginsby, Doth Endorse This Message
I think the reason the ghost population
Has gone down in recent years
Is probably that it’s not fun to see people
Discuss the political stance of light beers
Filed under Poems
Diversity on TV
Some people love a TV show
Or book with all their heart
Because it’s scary/witty/charming
And fast-paced/tender/smart.
Others see that TV show
And think one long “okaaaaaaay?”
I think that’s the best diversity
Even if no one’s black or gay.
Filed under Poems
Humor Is Under Fire?
I am worried that soon we’ll see
A world where saying “Hehehe”
Is banned, and we must laugh a new way
That sounds akin to “Theytheythey”.
Filed under Poems
Movie Review: Avatar the Way of Water
There once was a blue guy from Pandora
Who experienced a biome diaspora.
He went from the trees
To live in the seas
But otherwise it was the exact same stora.
Filed under Poems
Campaign Ads, 2028
My fellow Americans
I stand before you today
To declare my intention to run
For president of the USA.
If I am elected
I promise to unite
A country that’s divided
Between the left and right.
Speaking of right, my campaign is sponsored
By Google Energy Drink.
It’s made with all of your favorite flavors
Because data showed us how you think.
Consume three cans of GED a day
Or we’ll share your browser history.
But back to how I’ll save our nation…
Find out tonight at 10:00 on History!
Filed under Poems
Why People Don’t Write Sonnets Anymore
As the auburn sunrise comes to settle
O’er the rocky hillside by the pine tree
Two boys compete to test th’others mettle
And by “boy” we mean those who cannot biologically experience pregnancy
And we do acknowledge that some who can experience pregnancy do identify as boys
And some who cannot do not identify as boys, but as ceilings
And then they hit each other with their Star Wars episode XXVIII toys
And were told “No D’CarsenIsabellaLiam”, which hurt their feelings
So their parents apologized, whether
Or not that was the thing for them to do
And they sang “Hail to the Chief” together
As the auburn sunset signaled curfew.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 