There once was a smoldering man
Who was muscular and quite tan.
He lost all his hair
But did not seem to care
And is basically new Jackie Chan.
Filed under Poems
Once in every generation
There is born a chosen one
Who eats their veggie burger
Wrapped in lettuce in lieu of a bun
Then drinks a pint of water
That they brought from their house
Because unfiltered tap water has chemicals
And plastic bottles they don’t espouse.
If you are of the lucky few
Who meet this special soul
It is your sacred duty
And your most important role
To take this person to your home
And shoot them in the head
So we can stop this “special” nonsense
And just eat our meat instead.
Filed under Poems
Dear readers, it gives me great Pride(tm) that my blog, a long-time proponent of mediocrity in all forms, has chosen to partner with America’s favorite soft drink:
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MMA (Male Maidens Association)
UPS (Un-Penissing Service)
UN (United Nations)
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A bunch of years ago we said
“Hey King, screw your royal head”
And dumped a hunch of tea into
A bay to say “Bugger off to you.”
Now I think that united spirit
Should say to those who care to hear it
“You’re free to use 2:00 AM fireworks
“But if you do you’re also jerks.”
Filed under Poems
Tonight we celebrate the fact
That those who bought the fireworks
Are saving them for tomorrow’s main act
And thus are not going “boom“ like jerks.
Filed under Poems
If you use words like “Erudite”,
“Perspicacious”, or “Inscrutable”
In Connecticut you’re charming
But in Florida you’re shootable.
Filed under Poems
I’m going to a climate conference
To inspire both hope and confidence
But I’m not sure which jet I should ride
So I’ll take both. I’m too rich to decide!
Filed under Poems
Sometimes I think the world would be better
If everyone wrote a well-worded letter
Politely requesting that all war be ended
But if we did that someone might be offended
Filed under Poems
I think the reason the ghost population
Has gone down in recent years
Is probably that it’s not fun to see people
Discuss the political stance of light beers
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 