There was a little spider
In my bathroom late at night.
Now it’s gone, and so is one shotgun shell
And I have a new skylight!
Tag Archives: America
If Thanksgiving Wore Sweatpants
Today is Black Friday,
That grand shopping day
Where everything costs
What the white people pay.
You can buy all the things
That nobody bought
When the items were valued
As the resellers thought.
Your lunch will be yummy,
Just like last night’s dinner
And you give up your goal
Of ending the year thinner.
Filed under Poems
Always Room At The Table For Turkey
Today we are thankful for immigrants
Who come here to become a winner.
Without them we’d have to fly to Turkey
To have our traditional dinner.
Filed under Poems
Black Friday?
‘Twas two nights before Thanksgiving
And on every website
There were black Friday ads
That were sure to delight,
For why wait three more days
To get ludicrous deals
Like fifty-percent off
Those bejeweled heels?
Sure, in July
They were 99 bucks
But now they’re 199.99 89 dollars.
What incredible luck!
Today we are thankful
For bargains galore.
Now just three days to wait
Before violence in the store!
Filed under Poems
Wicked: The Clinton/Harris Story
It’s not that we don’t want a woman
As president of the USA…
It’s that our two female options so far
Would get melted by water. Ok?
Filed under Poems
When The Kamala Voters Go On a “Sex Strike”
The Donald got elected
And that makes me so depressed
‘Cause now I can’t go out at night
Wearing my Sunday best
To hit on green-haired feminists
Who think that I am Satan.
Oh well, I have my freedom
And more time for masturbatin’.
Filed under Poems
If At First You Don’t Succeed…
There twice was an unlikeable chick
Who expressed her detractors were “Ick”.
She lost to a man
With a very fake tan
And I’m not opposed to the schtick.
Filed under Poems
What Really Matters
‘Teas the night of the election
And all round the world
All the people were asking
“Why’d they kill the poor squirrel?”
Filed under Poems
Dear Every Channel Today, Apparently…
If you feel the need to change our minds
Two days before our votes are cast
I suggest that your campaign was crap
And the time for changing minds has passed.
Filed under Poems
If We Change “Private” To “Assistant Director Of Infantry Fieldwork And Individual Contributor To Combat Superiority” Maybe More People Would Enlist?
Instead of drafting young people
Without an education
And sending them to fight for us
In a far-off destination
Why don’t we draft the people who
Have four words or more in their job
Because they’re clearly competent
And if they die nobody will sob?
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 