He stood on the granite cliff
Screaming hoarsely
Over the roaring black ocean.
From one of the shores beyond
An echo returned to him:
“Citygal17498 has blocked you.”
But mostly there was silence.
Tag Archives: Bad
Flour Power
All-purpose is white.
Whole wheat is gray.
I misspelled “flower”
But kept writing anyway.
Filed under Poems
Because I’m An A**hole, And Also I Just Saved You Six Hours of Movies
If I got a degree in nursin’
And saw a patient starting to worsen
I’d say “Hey man, you’re dead
“And Rosebud is a sled
“And you and Tyler are the same person.”
Filed under Poems
On Trees That Fall Where No One Can Hear Them
If in the glade that no one hears
There falls a silent tree
One asks oneself: Would a hipster
Try to buy the tree’s CD?
Given the same scenario
Of the silent fallen tree
How long would they call it racist
On MSNBC?
Filed under Poems
The North and the South
If you’re the type of fancy guy
Who calls pink things “magenta”
Then I can cook you up a bowl
Of “Fancy-Guy Polenta.”
But if you’re the type of guy
Who shoots and drinks and spits
I’ll fry it up for half the price
And call it “Good Ol’ Grits.”
Filed under Poems
When You Think “That Would Rhyme Well,” Realize You Were Wrong, And Don’t Fix It
There once was a man named Jared Russ
Who was fond of munching canned asparagus.
He ate it all the time
But for lack of a rhyme
Often said things were Ceteris Parabus.
Filed under Poems
Things No One Has Ever Said In The History Of Everything
“My wife needs more pillows.”
“That mullet looks great!”
“Soccer’s exciting.”
“The world needs more hate.”
“Pink armpit hair’s hot.”
“I got a job with my arts degree.”
“I wish that I had gotten caught.”
“I really, super don’t have to pee.”
“I really hate inner tubes.”
“That was a great United flight.”
“She’d look better with smaller boobs.”
“The valedictorian’s getting laid tonight!”
Filed under Poems
And Why Hasn’t Japan Followed Suit?
Sometimes I watch the Stars and Stripes,
The symbol of American rule of law
And wonder who first thought “Hey!
“That would look good as a bra!”
Filed under Poems
Size Matters
Bigger is better in terms of pianos,
4×4’s, salaries, and dicks.
But smaller is better in the eyes of go-getters
When it comes to the waist size of chicks.
——————————————————–
Bigger is better, the man would insist
When it comes to masculine stuff
Because those said men have never had things
That were, in our eyes, big enough.
Filed under Poems
Meanwhile Someone Is Eating Water And Watching Their IQ Rise
The roses are dead.
The violets are too.
Someone swapped the water
With adhesive glue.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 