The roses are dead.
The violets are too.
Someone swapped the water
With adhesive glue.
Tag Archives: Bad
In Case You’d Forgotten
Back in the Western USA
In 1800 somethin’
A couple cowboys realized
Their hearts, they were a thumpin’.
The cowboys had been life long friends
And though they both were male
They rode to Brokeback Mountain
And they gave up on the trail.
Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-yodel-addle-ee!
Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-odel-sodomy!
We used to have some cowboys
To protect our town from raids,
But now we have to check
Our cowboy guardians for AIDS!
They use to be quick to the draw
But now they have more fun
With the sheathing than the drawing
Of their aforementioned gun!
Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-yodel-addle-ee!
Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-odel-sodomy!
One cowboy found his saddle’s
Grown less comfortable with time. He
Found this was the case
Unless their romance they would stymie.
But the cowboys needed horses
Like they found they needed lasses
And they replaced their ponies
With one another’s (whoaaa!)
Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-yodel-addle-ee!
Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-odel-sodomy!
Yodel
Oodle
Yodel
Adel
Odel
Soooooooo…
Doooooooo…
Myyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
😎 and 🦑 are 🥇 right now
We’ve seen names with apostrophes
And names that lack a vowel.
We have seen surnameless names
Like Retta, Link, and Farrel.
We’ve seen whatever Prince’s name
Had been known as previously.
I just hope I get to be the first
To name a kid with an Emoji.
Filed under Poems
Irony Is Also Human…
Poems are like people
By which I mean to say
Occasionally you laugh at them
But also wish they’d go away.
Filed under Poems
The Problem With Quotes
Just because a wise man said it
Doesn’t make it wise.
A wise man says “No bacon for me,”
But, plot twist! He eventually dies.
Filed under Poems
100% True
This poem is like
A blue-footed booby:
It makes some people laugh
And won’t have any significant impact on your life…
Shadooby.
Filed under Poems
Oligarchy Elementary Is Accepting New Students
I beg your pardon
For I mean to yap at thee
My case for nonconsensual
Reallocation of apathy,
For were we to allow
Our youth to expand
Their range of beliefs
We’d soon lose command
Of the best and the brightest
And the dullards alike.
Though the latter don’t argue
The former’d take a hike
And should free-thinkers see
All the ways we have lied…
Well, that is a notion
We must not abide.
Thus we must imprison
(At least to an extent)
Those who’ve not yet reached
The age of consent
And proceed to tell them
Facts they will ignore
To distract from the world
That they long to explore.
We’ll teach them arithmetic,
Reading, and writing
But most of all that
There is no need for fighting
For if each one resisted
Each oppressive foe
Then our script would be flipped
We, the high, become low.
Thus state education
In all things miscellaneous
Shall ensure that our underlings
Are not extemporaneous.
Thus closes my pitch
For public education.
We overlords live
Thanks to school’s misdirection.
Filed under Poems
Kilts, On The Other Hand, Are Amazing
Shorts are the least sexy
Item of clothing
A human can possibly wear,
Beating out Birkenstocks,
Codpieces, bandanas,
And even trench coats made of hair.
I see Lady Gaga
Wear a dress of raw meat
And I think “Well, I guess it’s okay.”
But if I see your knees
And you’re not in a skirt
Then you’ve probably ruined my day.
Filed under Poems
But People With Pet Spiders…
If you have a snake for a pet
I think it’s a pretty safe bet
That you have one or two kidneys.
You thought this would end differently?
How judgmental can you get?
Filed under Poems
Don’t Piss Off A Nurse
If one’s life relies upon
The lungs of an automaton
Prudence dictates to be couth
With the medical attendant youth.
Everything can be made worse
When dealing with a jilted nurse
So to those on life support:
Life’s long unless your temper’s short.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 