A boring, shirtless-selfie guy
With pictures of his travels
Briefly loves bikini-babe…
A love that soon unravels.
Alas, the love so brief in time
Creates a permanent child.
This all could have been avoided
If Mr. shirtless-selfie smiled.
Tag Archives: Cynical
Social Development Marches On
Once upon a time
A guy decided, “Hey
“What if I called people who
“I don’t agree with ‘Gay?'”
Everybody went along
Until a recent date
When some guy said, “What if instead
“We called bad people ‘Straight?'”
Then a third guy spoke his mind:
“Why not just disagree
“While still speaking with respect
“For our adversary?”
Guy one looked at guy two
And guy two said “Lol… gay!”
Then they lynched the third guy
And all conflict went away.
Filed under Poems
Dear Oldest Child:
Sometimes when mommy’s frisky
And dad’s not watching porn
They send you on a playdate
And another kid is born.
This new kid is a baby,
Just a lump of hungry fat
That cries and poops and sleeps a lot
And not much more than that.
Luckily for the species
But not luckily for you
That baby will get bigger
And eventually turn two.
At this point, the parents
Who loved you when you were little
Will downgrade you, unknowingly,
To the meanest second fiddle.
They’ll love all over new kid
Because, sadly, the fact is
As the oldest child you are
The one on which they’ll practice.
You will need to get straight A’s…
New kid will soar on C’s.
You will beg for any love…
New kid will just say “please.”
Yes, this seems unfair to you
But someday you will see
That this kid turns invisible
When mom has baby 3.
Filed under Poems
Why The Unicorns Left
She grew up in the forest
And learned to talk to trees
By singing with the birds of prey
And dancing with the bees.
She trained to be a hunter
From the day that she was born.
She dreamt she’d be the first to find
The mythic unicorn.
She found black stallions, powerful,
And pegasus in white,
Beasts that pulled the wagon far
And those who bore a knight.
She found horses of the sea
And horses tame and wild,
And yesterday her dream came true
And found it bright and mild:
The unicorn! Resplendent
In shades of gold and blue,
With a horn that shone like rainbows
And eyes of emerald hue.
She gazed upon the creature
And stroked its noble head
Then noticed it was unemployed
And rode a mule instead.
Filed under Poems
Idioms, Like Pubic Hair, Are Better When Short
When life gives you lemons
You make lemonade
Then you give it to children
Who sell it and get paid
Then give you their money
Which your wife will then spend
And life gives you more lemons
And when will it end?
Filed under Poems
The New American Dream
Anti-racism
Is when white people
Protest against white people
For being white.
Filed under Poems
I’m Not One Of The Sheep… I’m Just The Pasture
You know those tests they give you
That tell your dream career?
There’s been an innovation
In those tests, or so I hear.
They’ve found 80 percent or more
Of testers’ perfect jobs
Are members of unthinking
And mostly peaceful violent mobs.
I didn’t think about it much
When first I heard the news,
But when I took the test myself
I had to change my views.
I scored, not as a rioter,
But a guy who owns a store
That sells lightweight TVs and food
In downtown Baltimore.
Filed under Poems
Ham Covered In Sugar, Anyone?
Easter is the day a rabbit brings
Chocolate, eggs, and other things
To all the children with rich parents
And even to the folks named Clarence.
The bunny is a major hit
Among the kids for bringing shit.
They do not know it’s master plan…
The pigs do, and they’re not a fan.
Filed under Poems
It All Makes Sense Now…
Doctors say lots of children
Have ADHD
And would sit all day long
Just to watch some TV
But instead they must go
To be receive state education
In a room full of bullies
And other frustration.
We do this to children
Because they must learn
About how they can focus
Until they adjourn
As good reborn children
Instead of mere scamps,
Thus why schools should be called
“Concentration camps.”
Filed under Poems
When Someone Tells A Racist Joke And You Want To Warn Them To Stop, Apparently Shouting “ABORT!” Doesn’t Help…
If ever a black woman
Tries to defraud you
Here is a line you can say:
“Do I look like your baby,
“Because probably maybe
“I wasn’t born yesterday.”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 