I used to be a Dodo bird
But then I went extinct.
I came back as a Quagga
And then a Cape Verde Great Skink.
I’ve been a Passenger Pigeon
And even a Lesser Bilby.
I’ve yet to be a 5’11 male human
But soon, I fear, I will be…
Tag Archives: Cynical
That Last One Will Hit You All Over The Place
No one will evacuate
For Hurricane Irma or Steve.
Those aren’t the type of names
That make Floridians leave.
I think we need more hurricanes
Like Hurricane Buried Alive,
Hurricane Dirt-On-The-Clintons,
Or Hurricane Black-Guy-High-Five.
Filed under Poems
We’ve Come A Long Way Since “Pong”
“Hey Mr. Producer Guy,
I’ve got a game idea
Where two people survive the apocalypse.”
“Sure, Mr. designer guy,
But instead of death and zombies
Make the focus on blooming relationships.”
“Great idea, but what if
Instead of playing through the game
Players watched long, scripted movies of themselves?”
“And what about having
Unskippable gay sex missions?
It’ll fly right off the shelves!”
Filed under Poems
Wanna Hang Out?
I said “If”
She said, “Did I tell you about…”
I said “You”
She said “The time I had the doubt…”
I said “Don’t”
“About whether or not…”
I said “Shut”
“This eyeliner makes me hot…”
I said “Up”
“‘Cause I, like, wasn’t totally sure…”
I said “I”
“If this was chic or, like, couture…”
I said “Will”
“So I called my BFF…”
I said “Do”
“And was like, ‘Sup, my broseph…”
I said “What”
“And he was like, ‘Oh girl…”
I said “Epstein”
“That shade of ivory makes me hurl…”
I said “Didn’t.”
She would stop,
Or so I thought;
She kept talking;
I did not.
I hung around;
She tied the knot.
Filed under Poems
TWITTER HAS GONE TOO FAR!!!
A side effect of internet
Expanding the nobodies’ voices
Is what were once called parodies
Are now called valid choices.
Opinions so abhorrent
That no one would speak in person
Are fodder for hysteria,
A fate I fear will worsen.
No civil conversation
Can withstand the hate of distance,
And leaving online life
May be the only sane resistance.
What evidence have I
That things are dire as I claim?
Well, someone unironically
Wrote “Firefly is lame.”
Filed under Poems
…Or Something
I’ve read too much to enjoy reading,
Seen to many masterpieces to appreciate beauty.
I am inspired by only passions fleeting,
Never by oughts, my skill, my duty.
To know and love and worship and create
Guides the eye to their lover’s flawed face,
Opening pinholes to unfamiliar hate
That will never be known to those casually committed to their passions.
I will not chase or slay dragons.
I will not rescue or respect damsels.
I will enjoy every moment once
And never seek out or create its sequel.
I want to know love,
And I learn through unfamiliarity.
Filed under Poems
Some Jobs Can’t Catch A Break…
Where I live in Washington
The schools are shutting down.
The restaurants are closing
All across my little town.
Musicians, actors, dancers
Have no place to ply their trade
And artists cannot show their work
And therefor can’t get paid.
Amidst setbacks and panic
There’s a cloud with a silver-line:
Though you cannot learn or act
Or dance or sing or dine
There is no ban on poetry
Being posted on the net;
Thus why I’m still writing at 10:39.
Is this virus over yet?
Filed under Poems
Happy Valentine’s Everyone!
Today I’m writing poems
To folks I’ve never met
Because the woman that I love
Has not existed yet.
Why I am alone tonight
I surely understand,
But no man can be lonely
When he has his own right hand.
Filed under Poems
SERIOUSLY?! DOST THOU KIDDETH THY LORD?!
Somewhere in Heaven
The Gods all look down
At the biggest of cities
And the tiniest town,
They watch people playin’
And workin’ and sleepin’
(It’s okay that they watch us
‘Cause Gods can’t be creepin’).
They shout for our victories,
Sob for our failings,
But one thing holds constant
For all of their wailings:
All Gods will swear
On all that is pious
That those damned referees
Are all fuckin’ biased.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 