No matter how bad a day you had
You’re not as bad off as the guy
Who made an SOS out of rocks beneath the overpass
In case a savior might fly by.
Tag Archives: Dumb
I Just Wanted To Rhyme Things… Don’t Overthink It
If I had a baby shark
I’d never need an exclamation mark.
If I had a baby llama
I’d never use another comma.
If I had pets that numbered myriads
I would be all done with periods.
Alas, my only pet’s a cat
So there! I’m done, and that was that.
Filed under Poems
Deep Thoughts
I think of all the seaweed
The one that gets the most teased
Has got to be the kelp
‘Cause their name rhymes with help.
I think of all the jewelry
The one suffering the least tomfoolery
Would have to be the silver
By the same logic as previously.
Filed under Poems
Silver Water
In the shadow of a waterfall
Of moonlight’s silver steam
Was a mist of lunar H2O
In a dazzling metal stream,
Beneath which bubbled puddles
Of the element AG;
The moon was very full, unlike
My repertoire of analogies.
Filed under Poems
If You’re Reading This Enthusiastically, You’re Missing The Point
Happy happy happy.
Joy joy joy.
Yippee yippee yippee.
Oh boy oh boy oh boy.
I can’t wait. I’m excited.
I’m overwhelmed with wow.
If you think exclamation marks are dumb
You do not think so now.
Filed under Poems
True Stories from a Man’s Kitchen
Today I made some cheesecake
That I got from a mix.
I mixed a lime and whipping cream
With several cream cheese sticks,
But when I picked the mixer
To taste the final yum
I realized I forgot to add the mix
And yes, I’m really that dumb!
Filed under Poems
It’s Not Funny At All Until You Read It Out Loud, Out Of Context, To Your Friends
Toses ate ted
Violets ate blue.
Appatently changing a lettet
Makes things hungty, ctew!
Filed under Poems
It Began As A Sleepy Soliloquy… It Ended As A Halftime Show
It’s past the time I need to go
To sleep, but here am I
Writing rhymes that rhyme sometimes
As many times I try
And why I try, I cannot lie,
Is just to try my luck
‘Cause I have no skill, but possibly still
I’ll be famous if I say white people suck.
Filed under Poems
Alpha, Delta, Omicron…
A kid with jelly on his hands
Picked up a DVD
And put it in to watch a film
On their big screen TV,
But yet alas, the dirty disc
Got stuck around halfway
And it repeated the same old scene
Even when they pressed “play.”
Then finally they’d had enough
And said “I’ve had enough,”
Pulled out the disk and wiped it off
Then did some other stuff.
A five-year old can figure out
When something isn’t right
To make a new plan without delay
And still have fun that night.
And yet the leaders we voted for
Have yet to grasp this thought,;
Instead they say “shots didn’t work…
“How ‘bout another shot?”
Filed under Poems
We Won… But At What Cost?
The “New World Order” people
And Illuminati really
Missed the point; That making people
Into sheep is kinda silly.
After all, who wants to conquer
A bunch of people dumb enough
To fall for propaganda
As insane as modern stuff?
The Vikings and the Mongols
Had at least old-fashioned pride,
And made sure that their detractors
Fought in wars and mostly died.
But today, old-fashioned values
Like rape and pillage have degraded
To where “rape” means being male
And “pillage” means “medicated.”
And so if all the people
That conspiracies suggest
Cancel all the good among us
And then rule o’er all the rest
I wish them much good fortune
When their conquest is complete.
They’ll starve in perfect harmony
While the cancelled grill their meat.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 