It’s past the time I need to go
To sleep, but here am I
Writing rhymes that rhyme sometimes
As many times I try
And why I try, I cannot lie,
Is just to try my luck
‘Cause I have no skill, but possibly still
I’ll be famous if I say white people suck.
Tag Archives: Dumb
Alpha, Delta, Omicron…
A kid with jelly on his hands
Picked up a DVD
And put it in to watch a film
On their big screen TV,
But yet alas, the dirty disc
Got stuck around halfway
And it repeated the same old scene
Even when they pressed “play.”
Then finally they’d had enough
And said “I’ve had enough,”
Pulled out the disk and wiped it off
Then did some other stuff.
A five-year old can figure out
When something isn’t right
To make a new plan without delay
And still have fun that night.
And yet the leaders we voted for
Have yet to grasp this thought,;
Instead they say “shots didn’t work…
“How ‘bout another shot?”
Filed under Poems
We Won… But At What Cost?
The “New World Order” people
And Illuminati really
Missed the point; That making people
Into sheep is kinda silly.
After all, who wants to conquer
A bunch of people dumb enough
To fall for propaganda
As insane as modern stuff?
The Vikings and the Mongols
Had at least old-fashioned pride,
And made sure that their detractors
Fought in wars and mostly died.
But today, old-fashioned values
Like rape and pillage have degraded
To where “rape” means being male
And “pillage” means “medicated.”
And so if all the people
That conspiracies suggest
Cancel all the good among us
And then rule o’er all the rest
I wish them much good fortune
When their conquest is complete.
They’ll starve in perfect harmony
While the cancelled grill their meat.
Filed under Poems
Smart Guys = Not Hot
I said “Hi.”
She said “Hello.”
I said “Don’t use big words like that.”
Now I am her beau.
Filed under Poems
A Sense of Scale
Some people say a football player
Is really, really large.
What’s bigger than a football player
Is probably a barge.
What’s bigger than a barge
Is a thousand-trillion ants.
Nothing bigger than that
Exists outside my pants.
The Rest Is How To Playjurize Wikipedia Without Getting Cot
Ten persent of school
Is lurning how to get along.
Forty-two persent
Is lurning that you spelled stuph rong.
Maybe five persent
Is how to fill your plate and cup.
The other eighty-five persent
Is how to add things up.
Filed under Poems
How To Politely Decline An Invitation To Dinner
Some people like chicken,
Some people like pork,
Some people like tofu
Impaled on their fork.
Some people like rabbit,
Some people like goat,
But no one likes you
And that’s all she wrote.
Filed under Poems
2020 Voters (And Europe)
I went to college and got a degree
And hoped it would get me a job.
I learned how to drink, put off work and have threesomes,
And be both a loser and snob.
I can write ten page papers with ten words of content
And get booze with no valid ID.
Now I’m an unemployed expert in horticultural psychology
And I think you deserve this for free.
Filed under Poems
Why Jocks Get Seize
The public schools of Pittsburgh
Are bad beyond my wildest beliefs;
They teach kids words like “Steelers”
When the proper terms is “Thiefs.”
Filed under Poems
How To Write A Superbowl Ad
You start out with a robot
That’s been made with CGI
Who says one beer is best
With no compelling reason why.
Next you strip the advertisement
Of anything resembling humor
So you don’t provoke the many
With an “I’m Offended” tumor.
Then say “We love social justice
“So you should buy our calamari”
With the sincerity of a five-year-old
When they’re forced to say “I’m sorry.”
The result’s an advertisement
To appeal to a mob
That hates all corporations
But still needs them for their job.
I hope next year’s Sportsball expo
Doesn’t try to be so “woke”
And the 2020 vegans
Are prepared to take a joke.
Filed under Poems
