Tag Archives: Happiness

Modern Detox

If you’re in need of a business idea

I have a suggestion for you:

An apartment complex for people who want

To live like 1992.

The rent will be $500 a month

And the internet’s 10 sites or so,

Your neighbors are friendly, their kids play outside,

And Roseanne’s your favorite show.

A black Friday toaster is 25 cents

And so is a Big Mac with fries

And you can get Cracker Jack from Cracker Barrel

And it comes with an actual prize!

Phones have a wire, movies are physical

And they need to be rewound.

Nostalgia is hot. Spending money is not.

Does not this idea seem sound?

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Equity

Instead of arguing white vs. black,

Men vs. women, straights vs. gays,

Let’s just accept that we’re all kinda dumb

And move on with our kinda dumb days.

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Normalcy Is Overrated

If you eat noodles with a knife

I bet you probably love your life.

If your best friend is a cat

Your probably satisfied with that.

If your name starts with a Z

You’re already cooler than me.

What makes you weird’s what makes you you

So unto your weird self be true.

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When Counting Your Blessings Doesn’t Work, Try Counting Your Absences

Everyone in the world

Should get a chihuahua

From the government, totally free

Because when they all die

We’ll all understand

How much better life is when dog-free.

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Upsides

The nice thing about AI ads

Is that they’re poorly done

So I’ve no need to buy their stuff

And so declare we won.

Another proof of victory

Is that the CEOs shelled out

A lot of money for this tech

And thus without a doubt

Will double down on ineffective

Tools for advertising.

AI will bring a golden age

Of happily not buying!

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Are You There God? It’s Me, Fluffles

I am a fearsome hunter

And have killed a hundred men

And yet I sleep in peace, filled with

Tranquility and zen

Because someday I hope I may

Catch some deity’s eye.

They’ll think I’m cute and house me

In their mansion in the sky,

They’ll feed me all I can consume

And rub my belly while

Saying “Who’s a good warrior?”

With a goofy voice and smile,

And let me come and go all day

Through a small transparent flap

Instead of being human

And putting up with all this crap.

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Yes, I Owned A Walkman. Why Do You Ask?

Let me walk you through a moment

Of what I call “being me.”

Instead of streaming music

And paying a monthly fee

I plugged in my computer

From around 2008,

Pressed power on at 6:15

And it booted up by 8:00,

Loaded up my iTunes

From before it was an app

Then uploaded some files

That will make my right foot tap,

Plugged in my phone and synced it

For an hour and a half

Then enjoyed my music free of charge

With a joyful millennial laugh.

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Remember This In The Pandemic Of 2119

If instead of wearing masks

And going to school and work online

We had just put on some badass capes

The kids would all be fine.

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And For Seven Days We Had 2005 Again…

“Revenge of the Sith” is the best-selling movie.

“Oblivion” is the most popular game

And I just hope the rest of this year

Keeps this week’s agenda the same.

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A Universal Symbol Of Me

I wanted to get a tattoo

Of something that was always true

To remind myself by simple sight

Of something that is always right.

I thought of words, but words can change

Like “queer” no longer meaning strange

And alphabets can change a lot…

“So much for a tattoo”, I thought

But what about a picture that

Reflects the world and where I’m at?

A picture that will grow with me

No matter who I grow to be?

I used to love a Pokemon

But my favorite one keeps moving on.

I used to think that I was wise

But what I knew were often lies.

I used to be a man of God

But now I find the Bible odd.

And then, at once, it came to me!

An image only I could see

That would grow and change as I

Would grow and change and smile and sigh:

My skin, unchanged except by age,

My empty slate, my blank white page.

I’ll know, I know, I knew I’d see

I need no mark to just be me.

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