Everyone in the world
Should get a chihuahua
From the government, totally free
Because when they all die
We’ll all understand
How much better life is when dog-free.
Tag Archives: Happiness
Upsides
The nice thing about AI ads
Is that they’re poorly done
So I’ve no need to buy their stuff
And so declare we won.
Another proof of victory
Is that the CEOs shelled out
A lot of money for this tech
And thus without a doubt
Will double down on ineffective
Tools for advertising.
AI will bring a golden age
Of happily not buying!
Filed under Poems
Are You There God? It’s Me, Fluffles
I am a fearsome hunter
And have killed a hundred men
And yet I sleep in peace, filled with
Tranquility and zen
Because someday I hope I may
Catch some deity’s eye.
They’ll think I’m cute and house me
In their mansion in the sky,
They’ll feed me all I can consume
And rub my belly while
Saying “Who’s a good warrior?”
With a goofy voice and smile,
And let me come and go all day
Through a small transparent flap
Instead of being human
And putting up with all this crap.
Filed under Poems
Yes, I Owned A Walkman. Why Do You Ask?
Let me walk you through a moment
Of what I call “being me.”
Instead of streaming music
And paying a monthly fee
I plugged in my computer
From around 2008,
Pressed power on at 6:15
And it booted up by 8:00,
Loaded up my iTunes
From before it was an app
Then uploaded some files
That will make my right foot tap,
Plugged in my phone and synced it
For an hour and a half
Then enjoyed my music free of charge
With a joyful millennial laugh.
Filed under Poems
Remember This In The Pandemic Of 2119
If instead of wearing masks
And going to school and work online
We had just put on some badass capes
The kids would all be fine.
Filed under Poems
And For Seven Days We Had 2005 Again…
“Revenge of the Sith” is the best-selling movie.
“Oblivion” is the most popular game
And I just hope the rest of this year
Keeps this week’s agenda the same.
Filed under Poems
A Universal Symbol Of Me
I wanted to get a tattoo
Of something that was always true
To remind myself by simple sight
Of something that is always right.
I thought of words, but words can change
Like “queer” no longer meaning strange
And alphabets can change a lot…
“So much for a tattoo”, I thought
But what about a picture that
Reflects the world and where I’m at?
A picture that will grow with me
No matter who I grow to be?
I used to love a Pokemon
But my favorite one keeps moving on.
I used to think that I was wise
But what I knew were often lies.
I used to be a man of God
But now I find the Bible odd.
And then, at once, it came to me!
An image only I could see
That would grow and change as I
Would grow and change and smile and sigh:
My skin, unchanged except by age,
My empty slate, my blank white page.
I’ll know, I know, I knew I’d see
I need no mark to just be me.
Filed under Poems
Meltdown
When you hear a baby crying
And you’ve grown into the age
When you cannot cry in public
It might trigger you to rage
Or declare your thoughts to others
As a well-read baby sage.
The baby, though, is wiser
For it knows the cause of tears:
Every pain is fresh and novel
For its endless early years
And it hasn’t lived to learn yet
To explain away its fears.
When an older person weeps
Knowing well you’ll criticize
Why not pause to beg the question
That’s behind their flowing eyes?
Is it too a swift discomfort
Or perhaps a cruel disguise?
Or perhaps you’re seeing someone
Who, for years, has worn their masks
While they smiled sans seratonin
And pursued their daily tasks.
They have answers for the weeping
But they cry since no one asks.
What I Think Of During Meetings
Thanks to fluorescent lighting
You see a hundred smiling faces
Of a hundred unhappy people
Just covering their bases.
There’s a slideshow on the laptop
That was made the night before
That will make investors happy
And will make the buyers poor.
The conference room has donuts
And the chairs are soft and red
And you eat the sweet, admit defeat,
And notice that you’re dead.
But if you have a family,
A student, and a friend,
And half as many fucks to give
You’ll know its not the end
But instead you’ll move toward the light
In the corner of the page
And start to live the life you had
When you still knew your age.
Things We Can Learn From Kids
At what age can you no longer say
“Do you want to be friends?” to a stranger?
It seems to be somewhere between six and 90
And otherwise they call you “Danger”.
But I think the world would be happier
If we’d ask to be friends way more often.
Sure, they can say “no”, but give it some time
And society will soon start to soften.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 