Whenever you say “This is the worst”
Just ask yourself questions three:
1. How long will it last?
2. Have I seen worse in the past?
3. Is it going to be bought by Disney?
Tag Archives: Happiness
Millennial Fantasies 2: The Great Reset
They’ve already invented a time machine.
I’m as sure of this as I’ve ever been.
The reason it isn’t a feature today
Is because all the time travelers went away
To a time when a house was only 10k
And your wife could stay home with a kid on the way,
When votes were counted, voices were heard,
There wasn’t a World War (let alone a third).
They traveled and traveled and stopped at a time
Where telling the truth wasn’t punished as crime.
I just hope when they stopped is an age that will last
And will be in our future instead of our past.
Filed under Poems
A Potion For Happiness
Start with a cold cup of water
With an ice cube or two to be sure,
Then pour in some lemon and iodine
And crack in an egg, raw and pure.
Whisk it with vigor and emphasis
Then plop in a gobbet of spit.
Your potion is done! Now go find someone,
And into their face you toss it!
Filed under Poems
I Miss The Good Old Days… 2015
There once was a man from Ohio
Who didn’t put pronouns in his bio.
He works hard and makes money
And he married his honey
And why can’t this be status quo?
Filed under Poems
Masculine Serenity
Sometimes I look at my sweetheart
And my heart is warm like bread
And thoughts of love and comfy things
Run havoc in my head
And sometimes when I look at her
My heart smells like Spring rain
And an emptiness like midnight
Takes refuge in my brain.
When she sees me staring
And she asks, “What’s on your mind”
I look up from where I was staring
(FYI, that’s her behind)
And with all that warmth and wetness
My soul screams “Yes Yes Yes!”
But then my lips betray me
And I say “Uh, sports I guess?”
Filed under Poems
Millennial Fantasies
Sometimes when I’m feeling blue
I try a little trick
Where I think I’m a Pokemon
Who’s very, very sick
And instead of going to my job
I go to the free healthcare place
And the happy nurse makes me feel better.
Then I punch my boss’s face.
Filed under Poems
“Daily” Travesty… That Was A Joke
I am in a cabin
Eating French fries with my wife.
Poetry is great and all
But then again so is my life.
Filed under Poems
For My Beloved Wife On The Occasion Of Her Illness
My girl is sick. She has the ick.
It makes her feel bad.
But she is lucky, ‘cause even when yucky
She’s married to me, her lad.
I make her soup that makes her poop
So all the germs come out,
And then she goes and blows her nose
And snot comes out her snout!
Now free of dreck, my darling Beck
May lay upon our couch.
I am her boulder, her comforting shoulder
For whenever she feels an ouch.
Soon will be when her and me
Go off to bed to sleep
And since she coughed I talk so soft
And help her count the sheep.
And when she wakes, the sound she makes
Is more thunder than snore
But through the night her gut got right;
She’s better than before.
So we repeat until her feet
Are under her anew.
My medical care is extraordinaire
Or so I think. Do you?
Filed under Poems
The Best Days Of My Life
When I was a kid in school
I was never very cool.
I was skinny like an elf
And ate my lunches by myself.
I though cool sticks were precious pearls;
I paid no mind to all the girls.
Looking back, I need to say
Why can’t I have all that today?
Filed under Poems
Your Nightly 90’s Nostalgia
There once was a hand made of goo
That up at the ceiling you threw.
Then it would go “plop”
And eventually drop
And then you’d repeat that. Woo hoo!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 