Sometimes I look at my sweetheart
And my heart is warm like bread
And thoughts of love and comfy things
Run havoc in my head
And sometimes when I look at her
My heart smells like Spring rain
And an emptiness like midnight
Takes refuge in my brain.
When she sees me staring
And she asks, “What’s on your mind”
I look up from where I was staring
(FYI, that’s her behind)
And with all that warmth and wetness
My soul screams “Yes Yes Yes!”
But then my lips betray me
And I say “Uh, sports I guess?”
Filed under Poems
Sometimes when I’m feeling blue
I try a little trick
Where I think I’m a Pokemon
Who’s very, very sick
And instead of going to my job
I go to the free healthcare place
And the happy nurse makes me feel better.
Then I punch my boss’s face.
Filed under Poems
I am in a cabin
Eating French fries with my wife.
Poetry is great and all
But then again so is my life.
Filed under Poems
My girl is sick. She has the ick.
It makes her feel bad.
But she is lucky, ‘cause even when yucky
She’s married to me, her lad.
I make her soup that makes her poop
So all the germs come out,
And then she goes and blows her nose
And snot comes out her snout!
Now free of dreck, my darling Beck
May lay upon our couch.
I am her boulder, her comforting shoulder
For whenever she feels an ouch.
Soon will be when her and me
Go off to bed to sleep
And since she coughed I talk so soft
And help her count the sheep.
And when she wakes, the sound she makes
Is more thunder than snore
But through the night her gut got right;
She’s better than before.
So we repeat until her feet
Are under her anew.
My medical care is extraordinaire
Or so I think. Do you?
Filed under Poems
When I was a kid in school
I was never very cool.
I was skinny like an elf
And ate my lunches by myself.
I though cool sticks were precious pearls;
I paid no mind to all the girls.
Looking back, I need to say
Why can’t I have all that today?
Filed under Poems
There once was a hand made of goo
That up at the ceiling you threw.
Then it would go “plop”
And eventually drop
And then you’d repeat that. Woo hoo!
Filed under Poems
I tried out for the baseball team
And struck out three times in a row.
Then I went to the bar for a bit
And struck out with somebody’s hoe.
I may not be a first baseman
Nor a lady’s man, but I won’t cry.
Sometimes the universe just has to say
“Why don’t you give bowling a try?”
Filed under Poems
Tomorrow’s the day I’ll do everything
And be the best version of me.
I’ll accomplish my dreams and be happy
And authentically awesome to see.
I’ll shoot for the moon and I’ll hit it!
I’ll inspire the brave and the true!
But today I’ve reserved to be average
And embody “I’m fine, how are you”.
Filed under Poems
When life gives you lemons
You can politely decline,
Explaining “No thanks, I don’t like lemons”
And life will be like “Fine.”
Filed under Poems
“Would you like to sit at the table”
My mother asked, her voice sour.
“I’m good” I replied, my voice filled with pride
As I stared down at her from my tower.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 