Joe said “I have will gone to the pier.”
Bo said “It just got two tense in here.”
Tag Archives: Humor
New Year, New Ads
A week ago every TV ad
Showed deals on toys and tech.
Now the ads show deals
On food and weight loss. What the heck?
Oh, yeah! Because the year went up
It’s time to be a better you
And thanks to marketing execs
We’ll know just what to do:
Throw money at the products
That say you’ll have more time,
A slimmer waist and better feet
And less suburban crime.
You’ll save a baby elephant
If you buy our fancy knife
And thanks to free shipping (if you buy NOW)
You’ll live a better life.
I, for one, am grateful
To view these free educational shows.
Now excuse me while I lose some weight
And my magically regrows.
Filed under Poems
Next Year I Resolve To Put More Effort Into Hindsight
Looking back at 2022
I had a revelation that I’d like to share with you:
I realized that retrospectives take a while to do well
So I’ll end this poem early and say this year was pretty swell!
Filed under Poems
Music and Lyrics
I heard some kids sing “Old McDonald”
Singing “With a moo moo here and a moo moo there,
“Here a moo, there a moo, everywhere a moo moo.”
Then I turned on the radio
And heard a 41-year-old sing
“Who rules the world? Girls.
“Who rules the world? Girls.
“Who rules the world? Girls.
“Who rules the world? Girls.”
Children deserve more respect.
Filed under Poems
IRS? More Like IQ-0
There once was a federal agency
Who knew how much taxes you owed, you see,
But when you didn’t pay enough
‘Cause math is hard and stuff
They need a whole department to audit ye?
Filed under Poems
Get It? Cause One’s Glad And One’s… Oh, Nevermind
Some people were happy to fight
In the colosseum’s spotlight.
They were called gladiators, it’s said.
Some of them had freakin’ laser beams
And were greeted by all the young ladies’ screams;
They were called Rad-iators instead.
Filed under Poems
Hygiene Standards
I walked down the rows
Of “Bed, Bath, and Beyond“
Smelling hand soaps with names
Like “Starlight” and “Palm Frond”.
Then I left to go back
To “Bob’s Soap Retailer”
Where they sell soap called “White”
And “Hope She Lets You Impale ‘Er”.
Filed under Poems
Enthusiasm Has Its Limits
They put a DVD
In the Nintendo Wii.
They told me “Just Dance”
So I ripped off my pants
And now nobody’s playing with me…
Filed under Poems
The Ballad Of Suckbot (Chapter 1)
Suckbot the Roomba
Was a very well-loved gift
For my fiancee, who went home today
And watched that vacuum drift.
Suckbot the Roomba
Was an appliance, technically,
But my girl said “Dave, my time you’ll save
“Merry Christmas. Heeheehee!”
You should’ve seen the cat jump at
The sound when we pressed go,
But after some stalking he went walking
Back to his chair and so
Suckbot the Roomba
Has become our second pet.
You say “What’s the fuss?” But he’s a child to us
And he’s not even charged yet!
Filed under Poems
When You Think You’re Setting Yourself Up For A Challenge, But Then Everything Goes Way Too Easily
I promised myself I wouldn’t write
Another “Night before Christmas” parody.
So now I have to come up with
Hard rhymes, like “Carroty”.
Also included are “Parity”,
“Ferrety”, “charity”, “merrity”,
“Clarity”, “plurality,” “McGarrity”, “Jarret E.”
I guess those rhymes aren’t such a rarity!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 