Once a man who had no legs
And really skinny arms
Made a statue of himself.
He didn’t see the harm,
And so he rolled three balls of snow
And stacked them one by one
Until a rabbit ate his nose
And spoiled all the fun.
Tag Archives: Humor
Florida Man Saves Music
A duck walked up to a lemonade stand
And asked “Do you have any grapes?”
The lemonade seller shot dead the duck feller
Which proves not all heroes wear capes.
The Most Romantic Poem Ever That No Woman Will Understand
When my team is 8 and 6
And my fantasy QB gets sick
You’re the RB1 I start
And throw to when the ground is slick.
You’re the treadmill at the gym
In front of the TV
Where I can watch the Yankees lose
With nobody in front of me.
You’re someone I never thought
Was real, but here you are!
Like a white guy who hates frisbee sports
And never tried to learn guitar.
When I hold your hand I feel
Like I am good at math,
And if you asked me nicely
I might even take a bath.
I think you’re pretty naked
Or in a muumuu, though
I doubt there is a clothing item
That could dull your glow.
I would window shop with you
On our anniversary,
And when you sleep, on the toilet’s edge
I aim so you don’t hear me pee.
You smell like guacamole
And when you hold me tight
I forget to pull my belly in
And I know the world’s alright.
Filed under Poems
One Animal That Won’t Let You Down
See you later alligator.
In a while crocodile.
Time to vamoose you silly goose.
Sayonara capybara.
All these partings for a beast
Didn’t matter in the least
To the all-knowing, ever-present
“Never gonna give you up” pheasant.
Filed under Poems
The REAL Home Office
If, instead of cubicles,
We gave all employees
Their own private bathroom
And a set of private keys
So they could sit on porc’lain throne
And work at the same time
Productivity would go up
By a factor of eight or nine.
Filed under Poems
I Hope This Limerick Ages Horribly
There once was a bat from Wuhan
Who bad people did some work on.
It got fed up one day
And just flew away
And just like that two years are gone!
Filed under Poems
Arrive At Five Bro
When you drive to pick her up
And leave at 4:15
She says she’ll be ready in 10 minutes
But we the wise have seen
That when a woman tells you
When she’ll be ready is the same
As the way the measure how long’s left
At the end of a football game.
Filed under Poems
Not To Mention It Bends And Temporarily Stays But Never Creases…
The world today is quite a mess,
Rife with fear and doubt and stress,
But what if free on every street
You could grab a fancy sheet
Of laminated paper to
Shake up and down a time or two
And hear that “thubbackthwubback” noise
‘Til smiles return to the girls and boys?
Filed under Poems
Sparks Will Fly!
I don’t know that it’s a good idea
To have an online dating site
For wrestlers and martial artists
Who like to both travel and fight.
The clientele might be a limited bunch
But the site’s name would have such aplomb:
I for one would sign up at once
For StrikeAnywhereMatch.com
Filed under Poems
Works On 5-Year-Olds, So…
Instead of sending crooks to jail
What if we made them eat kale?
I think they’d say that I’m a hero
For the idea that reduced all crime to zero.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 