I looked at all the people
Seated in their chairs.
I told them “I won’t paint the steps”
But I only got blank stares.
Tag Archives: Humor
Politically Correct Case Study
They keep making King Kong movies
And they keep casting giant apes
To play the King in question.
That seems like sour grapes!
Why not cast a human
Or a donkey or a skunk?
Why must Kong be royalty
Instead of just a common punk?
Why must the ape be male
And violent and dark-furred?
Has diversity to the producers’
Shallow minds ever have occurred?
I think the next King Kong film
Should be about a lady bird.
If you don’t agree you’re evil
And we need to have a word.
Filed under Poems
Announcing the Semi-Bicentennial “Chickens Are Good” Bad Poetry Contest That Will Not Make You Bald (Probably)
Today I socialized again.
It’s becoming a bad habit…
Anyway, my friend and reader said
My opinion towards chickens is “stab it.”
I’ve written about chickens for dinner
And, yesterday, going to Hell.
All in all my poems about chickens
Do not treat them very well.
I wanted to amend my cruelty
Towards our egg-laying kin
And so I announce a contest
That upon this fine day shall begin!
Now a good contest must have a theme
And should recur on an oft-scheduled basis
And feature many a viewpoint
And not force the victor into cryogenic stasis.
My contest achieves all of these goals
And here’s what the contest is called:
The Semi-Bicentennial “Chickens Are Good”
Bad Poetry Contest That Will Not Make You Bald (Probably).
I’m seeking submissions from readers,
From other poets, artists, and guests
On the topic of the glories of chickens
And of a quality that won’t get an A on tests.
So comment your dubious poetry
About the glory of hens and of cocks.
Just comment them on this announcement
And just make sure that none of them rocks.
I look forward to reading your poems
And the chickens most likely do not
Because they’re illiterate morons.
(Now’s your chance to prove that they’re not)!
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
My Religious Beliefs
“Chickens don’t believe in God
“So chickens go to Hell.”
That’s what Grandma told me
And so far it’s served me well.
Filed under Poems
The Bible, Basically
Every single second
Of every single day
You have the chance to change your life
And live a better way,
To turn off the autopilot
And let your thoughts run free,
To say goodbye to who you were
And welcome who you want to be.
Every single moment
In every person’s life
Comes with bits you wish would simply
Get impaled by a knife.
Sloth and greed and gluttony
Will leave you be, you’ll find,
If you toughen up and stab them
With the power of your mind.
You’re an amazing creature
Who can do amazing things.
You’re why the spider scurries
And you’re why the bluebird sings.
Your dreams can all be conquered
So show them you’re the dude!
Yours truly, God/Yweh.
Lol Jk you’re screwed!
Filed under Poems
Camping Proclamation
When in the course
Of human events
We leave our homes
To live in tents
We write poems on topics
Irrelevant to the season
So if this poem’s turnaround seems abrupt
Probably slavery’s the reason.
Filed under Poems
Not Your Average Blackbirds
Three grey crows
Walk into a bar
Where liberals make jokes
About how white they are.
Filed under Poems
???mism
Glass half-empty,
Glass half-full:
Whole debate
Is kind of dull.
Glass is folded
In a ball.
I don’t get
This debate at all.
Filed under Poems
The Dinner Date
Socializing’s when you find
People you dislike the least
And gather anxiously
To waste money on a feast
While imbibing neurotoxins
To make the evening fun
Then compete to talk the most
Until you all agree “we’re done.”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 
Passing The Bar?
The taps are flowing,
The music blares!
The mistakes pile up
But nobody cares.
New stories are heard
And new memories leave.
Every girl at the bar
Hears “sup girl? I’m Steve.”
Inhibitions
Are out the door.
There’s one good answer
When they ask “one more?”
Bodies shimmy
And booties shake!
Isn’t it joyful
At rationality’s wake?
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Filed under Poems
Tagged as Bad Decisions, Drinking, Humor, Poetry, Postaday, Social Commentary, Socializing