A month has past since wedded bliss
And yet again it comes to this:
It’s long past my correct bed time
So I give you a four line poem and a rhyme.
Tag Archives: Life
When It’s November 1st And You’re On Your Lunch Break But Have To Keep A Promise To Your 16-Year-Old Self
Hello Dear Reader!
I am back!
A ring I have
But ideas I lack.
My skills have not grown
But my mind is rested
And in this endeavor
I am reinvested.
I hope my poems
Inspire laughter
And bring you joy
During and after
Your car breaks down
Or your pet dies
Or you pay too much
For disappointing fries.
With all that said
Adjourn I must
For I need more sheets
That say “In God We Trust”.
A Moment Of Silence (For A Month)
I’m getting married in two weeks
And there’s a lot to do
So I’m taking a mental break
Until I say “I do.”
And when November comes around
My poems will come back.
For now though, may your dreams be light
And your teeth be free of plaque.
Realistic Goals
Tomorrow’s the day I’ll do everything
And be the best version of me.
I’ll accomplish my dreams and be happy
And authentically awesome to see.
I’ll shoot for the moon and I’ll hit it!
I’ll inspire the brave and the true!
But today I’ve reserved to be average
And embody “I’m fine, how are you”.
Filed under Poems
Optimists
When life gives you lemons
You can politely decline,
Explaining “No thanks, I don’t like lemons”
And life will be like “Fine.”
Filed under Poems
Unhelpful Knowledge 101
Anyone who complains about math
Because they’ll never use it in real life
Has never memorized the periodic table
Or heard about saying “No” to your wife.
Filed under Poems
Limerick for a Job Interview
There once was a gap in a resumé
That occurred when the candidate was away
‘Cause when you’ve had enough crap
Turns out a resumé gap
Can be just what you need. Okay?
Filed under Poems
Man’s Favorite Hobby
Sometimes you go to the bathroom
To just get away from it all
Or sometimes you make a poop
That’s the color of Darth Maul.
They both take about the same time
To finish, which is alright.
I did one while writing this poem
So you’re welcome. Now good night.
Filed under Poems
My First Bachelor Party (True Story)
I ate a lot of sushi
And I drove a lot of miles
And played a lot of board games
And enjoyed a lot of smiles
And now I’m in a Lexus
Writing poems on my phone
And so far I’ve only said one thing
For which I must atone…
Filed under Poems
Ye Olde Thug Lyfe
If I were a rapper I’d write some sick rhymes
About crimes and hard times and increasingly warm climes
But instead I’m a blogger and I’m writing these verses
Without curses so my readers won’t go out and steal purses.
Instead of glorifying living as a thug out on the street
I’m all for the institution’s safe and sanctioned meet-and-greet
And if you thinkin’ I’m a sellout I’ll correct you: If you think
Anything I’ve written here‘s worth paying for… go get a shrink.
Greenbacks aren’t a flowing to this blogger’s cargo pockets
Like they do for Tommy Cruise or to that baller Tyler Lockett’s
But I’m rewarded with a gift that no celebrity gets:
I can wear sweat pants to Costco and no one gives two shits!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 