A boring, shirtless-selfie guy
With pictures of his travels
Briefly loves bikini-babe…
A love that soon unravels.
Alas, the love so brief in time
Creates a permanent child.
This all could have been avoided
If Mr. shirtless-selfie smiled.
Tag Archives: Online Dating
For Those Who Love To Laugh, Hiking, Traveling, And Food
We could’ve been a miracle
Like a bottle of lightning,
With ardor and passion
That bordered on frightening,
Two bits of a puzzle
That fate formed as one
Destined for fortune
And family and fun.
We could’ve been lovers
And best friends for life,
The textbook example
Of husband and wife.
You could’ve been my world,
My earth, sea, and sky,
If only your first message
Were more than just, “hi.”
Filed under Poems
That One Supermodel Who’s Still Single For Some Reason
Some things are unspeakable,
Depraved beyond compare.
The fact that they exist
Causes many much despair.
Such things are irredeemable
And inspire only hate
And it’s important I discuss them
On every single date.
Filed under Poems
What A Catch!
She doesn’t play mind games.
She doesn’t hate pets.
These days that’s quite close to as good as it gets.
She isn’t ugly.
She isn’t mean.
She’s the not-baddest person that I’ve ever seen.
She has other friends.
She gets off the couch.
Her spirit animal is not Oscar the Grouch.
She’s not into drama.
She’s not a KGB spy.
My only concern is that “she” is a guy.
Filed under Poems
She’ll Start Exercising In January
The lady on the internet
Wrote “5551618.”
I thought that was her phone number
But, alas, ’twas just her weight.
Filed under Poems
There Is No Hidden Meaning. You’re Welcome.
I met an Indian guy on Tinder,
A philosopher named Deepinder.
I couldn’t understand most of what he said
So he said “Date my brother Shallowinder instead.”
Filed under Poems
Thanks, Arbitrary Statistics!
A minute with me
Is an hour in Heaven,
But no woman will know
‘Cause I’m five-foot-eleven.
Filed under Poems
Plenty of Fish
He stood on the granite cliff
Screaming hoarsely
Over the roaring black ocean.
From one of the shores beyond
An echo returned to him:
“Citygal17498 has blocked you.”
But mostly there was silence.
Filed under Poems
Maybe It Tasted Good A Few Years Ago?
I want a sandwich
With clams, beets, and garlic
Sprinkled with liver and thyme
Topped with two scoops
Of pistachio ice cream
And the zest of a two-week-old lime
All smeared on a loaf
Of gluten-free flatbread
Served on a hard rubber plate.
You get it when you order
A nice BLT.
I call it “The Internet Date.”
Filed under Poems
Wherein A First-Time Internet Dater Realizes Honesty Is Overrated
I have no ambition,
Motivation, manly vigor.
I have very little money
And just three inches down there.
I wish I were more macho,
Richer, smarter, or just bigger
But your ad said if I’m honest
Then you really couldn’t care.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 