I say you can kneel if you wanna
Before you play behind the line,
But if your political stance
Draws an unpopular glance
Then you’ll be on no team of mine!
Tag Archives: Parody
Why I Love Football
This month we will experience
The NFL’s preseason
In which millionaires hit each other
Deapite the lack of any reason,
And we the fans will cheer
To kick our team’s rival’s posterior
Because we can’t play ourselves
Since we’re genetically inferior.
We’ll sit and eat and fart a bit
And somehow manage to sweat.
At the end half of us will sob
While half say “best preseason yet!”
Then we picture our team’s victory
And order larger pants
With the logo of some other team
That actually has a chance.
Filed under Poems
Breaking Up Is Easy To Do
May I compare thee
To a big slab of meat:
Not too tricky to buy,
Satisfying to eat.
…Apparently not!
Tell Me With A Straight Face This Is Better Than My Usual Crap… I Dare You
While in the misty sunrise
The cooing birds
Smile like butterflies
So I made weak
By trickling hearts
Dot my i’s
With scarlet
Just kidding
I dot them in green
Filed under Poems
How I Read Political Posts
Today elected people
Did a thing I think is bad
And I want all my contacts
To be upset that I am sad.
I want my friends and followers
To hear my text-based whine.
If you’re not sympathetic
Then an argument’s also fine.
Corporations Are Evil (Because I Want Them To Be)
“Corporations are evil”
I think as I buy my Special K
And hop in my Toyota
And drive to the YMCA.
“Corporations are evil”
Is what’s running through my head
While I surf Youtube on my iPad
From my new Sleep Number bed.
“Corporations are evil”
Helps me eat my Eggland’s Best,
Helps me get ready for work at Megatech
As in Prada I get dressed.
“Corporations are evil”
Is a truth you can’t deny
Because my friends say it on Facebook
Which means that so should I.
“Corporations are evil.”
Was that all I have to say? Check!
It helps me feel virtuous
As Wells-Fargo cashes my paycheck.
Filed under Poems
My Anti-Drug Treatise?
Great Scott would eat no pot.
His wife was also clean.
Their afternoons were generally normal
And they did not live in Colorado.
Filed under Poems
Watching Samuel Beckett
Humumumumumumumumumu
Dragons…
Humumumumumumumumumu
Broccoli…
Humumumumumumumumumu
Yes, you really did pay money for this…
Humumumumumumumumumu
Humumumumumumumumumu
Applause…?
Midnight Foot Warmer
Soft doggy, warm doggy,
You I do implore:
Happy doggy, sleepy doggy,
Please don’t poop at midnight right outside my bedroom door.
Again.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 