There once was a bigass windmill
That stood on a bigass hill.
A bigass gust of wind
Made the bigass fan spinned
So why I still got a power bill?
There once was a bigass windmill
That stood on a bigass hill.
A bigass gust of wind
Made the bigass fan spinned
So why I still got a power bill?
Filed under Poems
Americans love their football teams.
Canadians love their hockey.
Mexicans are the cross country champs.
In China it’s boxing (Not like Rocky).
Filed under Poems
I can accept our world is being run
By faceless corporations
Who choose political puppets
To fulfill their machinations,
That we, the proletariat,
Cannot escape this iron grip
But why do they always pick old white dudes
And not hot girls? What a gyp!
Filed under Poems
Bill Nye became a science guy
Because he rhymed his name
But my parents still won’t tell me why
I cannot do the same…
Filed under Poems
One upside of trans acceptance
Is that in ten years women’s sports
Will probably make a profit
Now that men are on the courts.
Filed under Poems
Blackberries have thorns
And grow up in the wild.
Whiteberries are bad at basketball
And their bathrooms are well tiled.
Asianberries have good grades
Which means they understand
That whiteberries are not a thing
And this poem got out of hand.
Filed under Poems
There comes a time in every man’s life
Where he is trapped with his female kin
And there’s crying and talking and crafting galore
And he’s trying his best to fit in
But after an hour of trying to talk
And solve problems, he has an epiphany:
His life as he knows it is over because
He hit on a waitress named Tiffany…
Filed under Poems
Dear readers, it gives me great Pride(tm) that my blog, a long-time proponent of mediocrity in all forms, has chosen to partner with America’s favorite soft drink:
PIDD!
PIDD! (or Performance Inhibiting Drug Drink) has been taking the world by storm (consensually, of course). Inspired by brands like Disney, Bud Light, and OceanGate, PIDD! is sinking its teeth into all the things that once made you happy like:
The NBA (Nubile Boys of America)
MMA (Male Maidens Association)
UPS (Un-Penissing Service)
UN (United Nations)
And many more!
PIDD! is the only soft drink that makes you softer in both body and mind. It helped Lia Thomas become the first man to win the NCAA women’s 500m freestyle, helped Caitlyn Jenner become Glamour Magazine’s first male Woman of the Year, and now it can help your children become anything we want them to be!
So just like Luke Skywalker, Indiana Jones, James Bond, and the other heroes of your childhood, crack open a can of PIDD! (or pour a lukewarm glass of inner-city tap water) and let’s toast a future where men don’t have to stay that way.

I’m going to a climate conference
To inspire both hope and confidence
But I’m not sure which jet I should ride
So I’ll take both. I’m too rich to decide!
Filed under Poems
I am worried that soon we’ll see
A world where saying “Hehehe”
Is banned, and we must laugh a new way
That sounds akin to “Theytheythey”.
Filed under Poems