The inventor of homework they tell is
A guy named Roberto Nevelis.
I don’t know about you,
But sounds like a guy who
Will experience firsthand what Hell is…
Tag Archives: Postaday
The Edge of Seventeen
There’s a lake just off the freeway
That I went to with a girl
And we sat beside the water,
Feeding nature to a squirrel.
We made noises with our mouths
And made each other laugh,
Then we got someone to feed us
And we only paid for half.
We saw folks in real pain
Pretend to hurt in different ways
While on a screen and in the guise
Of whatever film’s the craze.
Then I drove backwards up a hill
To drop her off at almost nowhere.
I think about her every time
I see that lake, but never go there.
Such is love and such is life
For one who sees the sun at night,
Who, knowing how they hunger so,
Gladly lets the bedbugs bite.
Filed under Poems
Deuteronomy 23:2
Last night I read the Bible
‘Cause I was just that bored.
Apparently, “No one whose testicles have been crushed
Or whose penis has been cut off
May be admitted into the company of the Lord.”
So when you settle differences
With fists, and feet as well,
Just remember, a kick to the balls
Is literally a ticket to Hell!
Filed under Poems
Then I Gave Death the “Come Hither” Look…
Whenever death may lurk nearby
And threaten you with pain
Know that if the threat is true
You’ll never watch a debate again…
Filed under Poems
It’s “Queeva,” Actually…
A young Irish man in his prime
Loved a lassie who gave him a lime.
He said, “Darling Caoimhe,
“I’ll never leave ya.”
And yes, that does actually rhyme.
Filed under Poems
Quotidian Composition Vitiates…
People say that grammar
Doesn’t matter any more,
That vocabulary’s useless
And english is a bore.
What they do not realize
Is that the word you tried
Might turn a social program
Into massive genocide.
Take this proposition:
“Our mayor, Jim Metcalf
“Will, by 2025
“Cut homelessness in half.”
What a lovely world we’d have
And what a peaceful street
If Mayor Metcalf’s plan above
Was ever made complete!
Alas, the words they wrote instead
Were, “Mayor Jim Metcalf
“Will, within the next five years,
“Cut homeless people in half.”
To some, there’s nothing different.
To some, this sounds just fine
Until you realize just how
The Mayor crossed a line
Because the homeless person
Who was once in Bradley Square
Now has his legs on Main Street
But his torso’s over there!
Stop the death and carnage
And salute the grammar nerds,
For only you can save a life
By choosing proper words.
Filed under Poems
For the rest of you… this is funny because it divides readers into subgroups, then introduces a joke unlikely to be funny to the majority of readers, thereby enhancing the humorous subtext for the small minority of readers who, as the first line implies, appreciate brevity (You’re welcome)
To those who value brevity:
Enjoy ironic levity.
Filed under Poems
Space Travel and the Perils of Mobile Gaming
In yonder black beyond the sky
Where only stars call home
We set the scene for what’s to come
To those who in it roam:
Ten passengers, a crew do make
Of the mighty spaceship, Skeld.
‘Tis on this craft a tale of woe
For you, tonight, is held.
Each crewmate dons a colored suit,
Of yellow, orange, cyan,
Pink, lime, red, black, blue, or green
Else white, violet, or tan.
‘Tween seven and nine are loyal crew
While one to three impostors stalk;
The majority have tasks to do,
Whilst among them evil walks.
Some may vouch for one another
If a task completed be,
While other times they may accuse
One whom with a corpse they see.
The corpse in question comes of course
From the impostor’s dubious deeds:
By fist or gun or alien maw
The tainted crew fulfills their needs.
Anyone can call a meeting
When a body’s finally found
And good and evil, roles unknown
Within the cafe gather round.
A choir of “Where?” Is said by all
Until the meeting’s caller may tell
The identity of the fallen mate
And the room in which they fell.
The rainbow spacemen then take turns
Declaring one another “sus,”
Casting blame without a clue…
Such is the game called “Among Us.”
Whoever’s name is called the most
Is thrown into the great beyond.
This repeats until such time
As evil’s purged or good is gone.
Time then, in mysterious ways,
Returns to whence the quest began.
If you want to live this dream
Download the app and soon you can.
But fear not only those who lurk
As black or pink or red or lime…
Fear the monster of this life
Which is the loss of your free time!
Filed under Poems
To Paraphrase Schopenhauer…
What is true is first a joke,
A bit to please a crowd.
Next the truth is vilified,
Taboo to speak aloud.
At some point it’s said again
By someone very scared
And he is told “That’s obvious”
As if nobody cared.
Filed under Poems
Wear Love Blossoms?
Yew are the tree that sustains me.
U turn the sick to the well.
Ewe are so warm and so fluffy.
I love you although I can’t spell.
You’re poem touched me this evening.
Your the only one I think of now.
Their’s somewhere I know and soon they’re we’ll go
But let’s stick to spoken poems for know.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 