My neighbor has a rose garden
That he’s tended all his life
Which really makes you wonder:
Just how angry is his wife?
Tag Archives: Postaday
St. Patty’s Day
Today we drink and wear green clothes
And that’s just about it.
I hope I’ve helped to illustrate
Why this holiday is shit.
Filed under Poems
Board Games In Baltimore
We sat down to play
The latest version of Clue,
Read through the rulebook
To check what was new,
Saw a new character
Named “Mr. Not-White”
And we shouted “Case closed”
And called it a night.
Filed under Poems
…Or Girls In General, For That Matter
“The devil plays the violin,
The instrument of mortal sin.”
I told her this, then said hello.
#How to not pick up girls who play cello
Filed under Poems
Mom Was Right
There comes a time in our epoch
When you face the toughest of fights,
You, insignificant human
Alone with the crusher of lights,
A few hundred pounds of soft tissue
Versus a beast from which no one can hide
But you have one ally to help you:
You can turn off the screen and go outside.
Filed under Poems
Shakespeares’s Cat
Kitty kitty
Of my heart,
Who’s a good cat?
Verily, thou art!
I say to thee
A coochy-coo
For who art the cutest?
‘Tis you! ‘Tis you!
Kitty kitty
Ball of fur,
What pleasures come
When you doth purr!
My only wish
For you is yon:
Do sheath your claws
‘Till break of dawn.
Filed under Poems
If You Think This Poem Rhymes You Probably Aren’t Rich
You can tell if someone’s more likely
To play basketball or the harp
By whether they write #F
Or instead they write F#
Filed under Poems
Guys and Dolls, Mother Russia Edition
I once went shopping at the mall
With a Russian guy and a Russian doll.
The Russian guy could reach the top shelf
But the Russian doll was too full of herself.
Filed under Poems
Lent Carols
Silent bells, silent bells,
Silent all the way.
We’re not happy but at least
The priests don’t know we’re gay. Hey!
Silent bells, silent bells,
Silence for the win!
Here’s to seven weeks to stew
In our original sin!
…
Silent night, holy night.
Jesus ate not a bite.
Satan says “make that rock into bread.”
Jesus’s like “Naw, I’ll come back from the dead.”
Then he gave up Facebook!
(If you doubt it go read the good book).
…
On the first day of Lent
Jehovah gave to me…
Hot sand and misery!
On the second day of lent
Jehovah gave to me
No 🤬ing food
And some hot sand and misery!
On the third day of Lent
Jehovah gave to me…
(Use your imagination, we’ve got 38 more days of this 💩)!
…
Filed under Poems
Why I’m Homeschooled
I knew not how to spell “Schism”
And so I took a wild guess…
“I-t-apostrophe-s-P-
o-i-n-t-l-e-s-s.”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 